- Thank you. - No problem, buddy.
Michelle, have your heck to the wind ...
and drove up to the country a day early.
Wanna surprise Ian,
spend the long weekend with him.
So, I need you to call Metler ...
tell him his papers were filed yesterday ...
and everything is fine. I will talk to him first thing on Monday ...
morning and call my dentist ...
cancel that appointment and re-schedule it for Tuesday afternoon.
And then cancel my meetings for the rest of the day.
You know what to do!
That is why you are my assistant.
Is there anything else I can ... ?
- Hi Louise. - Hi honey.
How is Chicago?
Your flight leaves in a couple of hours, right? Can't wait to see you.
Yeah, yeah me too.
Excuse me, Lou. I am just about to head into a meeting.
I'll see you at the house tomorrow, OK?
Ya, see ya tomorrow. I'll be driving up in the evening.
See you then. Bye.
Dearest Louise:
I am not spending the weekend here ...
as we planned.
I have come to a crossroads here: marriage.
And I need to go away and have some time to think.
Sorry I took this in a letter.
Please remember to feed the fish.
Remember to feed the fish?
No, no, no ... I can't do ... no. Stupid.
Um, I am very sorry.
You're wonderful and I don't deserve you.
- Michelle, listen! - I don't know what you think of him.
His purchase is going forward, that's what you need to tell him ...
over and over again until he calms down.
- You should call ... - No, I am not going to call him myself.
Michelle, there is someone inside my house.
Oh, somebody quite romantic.
Listen Michelle, no more calls ...
for the rest of the day. I want you to hold all calls.
Looks like I am about to have a lot of sex.
Ya, ya, ya. Well handle it yourself ...
Ms. Harvard Bachelorette, that's what I pay you to do.
Kiss, kiss, kiss.
Ian!
You came back early.
Look at these flowers. They're just beautiful.
You haven't done this for me in years.
Business meeting in Chicago ? my ass.
Oh my God. That is sexy.
- What's wrong? - Please sit down.
- No. - Please, please ...
- Louise. - This is great.
Louise,
I was in the middle of writing it when you got here, so ...
it's ... you're a day early. You weren't supposed to be here till tomorrow.
- Please feed the fish? - No, I crossed that part out,
it wouldn't have made it into the final letter at all.
What does this mean, Ian?
Louise. I ...
Why are you leaving? What do you need to think about?
Why can't you think about it here?
I'm going to Paris.
Paris?
Look, I have been having serious doubts about this marriage ...
and I think that ...
No, you are not going, Ian.
You're gonna stay right here ...
and we are going to work through this together,
as we always manage to do. - No, not this time.
Who is she?
No, this isn't about anybody else. This is about you, about me, about us,
it's nobody else.
- But there is someone else? - No, no ... it's ...
Look at your hand when you said "No".
Why don't you look at your hand?!
Where is your wedding ring?
And why are there flowers everywhere and petals all over the floor?
Things haven't been right between us.
Well, nobody told me that, Ian. I thought they were beautiful.
And our anniversary dinner 2 months ago,
you leaned into me ...
took my hand and said: "I'm so happy!" - Yes I know. I was lying.
- You were lying? - I was lying.
- You were lying? No, Ian. - No, I cant, I can't ...
If you were confused or unhappy ... ?
You decide to tell me this in a note?
After 13 years of marriage ...
that's what I deserve?
I can't stand confrontation, you know that.
I know it's crappy of me, I realize it ...
but you deserve better.
I feel awful.
What am I supposed to do then, Ian?
Am I supposed to sit here and watch you leave ...
and not know why ...
and wait until the divorce papers come?
I mean, what kind of creep does that?
Are you that kind of creep?
And don't numb-out on me!
You are not leaving this house,
until you at least try ...
to work things out with me. You are my husband.
That's the least you can do!
I'm in love with someone else, Louise.
There, I said it.
- Stop packing, Ian. - No.
I said stop packing.
I'm going to Paris first thing in the morning, Louise ?
No, you are not. You are not going anywhere.
which means I'm very sorry, Louise.
I said stop packing !!!
Uh, fuck!
What the fuck!
Have you gone completely insane?! Louise !!!
Calm down Ian, you're gonna have an anorism!
- Oh, my head. - Yeah, oh I know.
I'm really so sorry about that. I really am.
I brought you some water.
Fine, I'll drink it myself.
Ow, oh, ow, Ian. Damn tooth ? I got a cavity.
Why am I duct-taped to a fucking chair, Louise?
Because my love, I have decided to keep you here ...
until we can work this out.
I don't love you anymore.
Well, then you just stay here until you do.
That's completely insane!
Why?
'Cause my life doesn't work that way. You can't keep a person hostage ...
until they love you.
Oh, come on Ian. I am sure it's been done before.
I love Sara, not you, and that's not gonna change.
Sara, who is Sara?
She's the person I deeply love,
and you are making her look better by the minute.
And I'm sure she'll be hurt when you dump her,
but she'll live.
As a lawyer, you took an oath to uphold the law,
but I'm pretty sure you are not upholding the law here.
I could make a case for it.
Louise, I hate you, and I think you are a psycho ...
and you are gonna be jailed and institutionalized.
Yeah, that'll be pretty hard to do ...
when you can't even move an arm.
I mean eventually after I ... - Yes, after you are free of course.
But by that time you won't want to,
because you will love me again.
No Sara, no divorce, no pressing charges, just love.
The way it was supposed to be ...
when we first took our vows, you remember, Ian?
Yeah, you know, you are right. Come here, come here.
Ok.
Yeah, you know it's ... Yeah, you're right.
It really isn't fair for me, to just up and leave ...
without giving us a chance to work this through.
Why don't you un-tape me, sit down and we'll talk this out, OK?
You won't be un-taped until you love me again.
Oh c'mon I love you, I do. I swear to God.
- You're an atheist. - I love you.
You're my wife.
Thank you.
Thank you for helping me see what a stupid thing I was about to do.
Yeah. You shocked me into reality, you really ...
you really did. I love you.
- I love you, I love you. - You are the worst liar, you are.
Your pupils grow to the size of Pluto,
your brow gets all sweaty, you can't even look me in the eye.
I love you, Lou. I do.
No, you don't. You think I'm a psycho,
who you want to divorce and prosecute.
I'm not an idiot, Ok?
Why don't you let me go.
But that will change, my love. You'll see,
and we will be happy. - Let me go you fucking lunatic!
- Sara. - Sara?
Sara, I am a hostage here! Sara!
- Hostage up here! - Shut up!
Hostage here, Sara! Call the police!
Call the poli ...
- Sara ... I presume. - Hi, yes. I'm Sara.
- You must be ... - Louise, Louise ? the wife.
- I thought ? where is ... - Ian?
Well ... sheesh, it's a cliche: "He is tied up at the moment."
So, come with me. Let's have a chat.
Gal to gal.
- Sara? - Yeah.
Wow! You are very pretty.
Thank you. You are very pretty too, Louise.
You are like ... Wow!
Anyways ... sit down.
So ...
Congratulations. My husband is leaving me for you.
I'm so sorry, Louise, I ...
I didn't ? I just fell in love with him. I didn't mean to. It just ...
No need to apologize. I'm fine.
- Really. - Really?
I'm so glad, I am so glad,
because I have been feeling so much sadness and guilt.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It must have been so hard for you, huh?
It was difficult, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, there has been a change of plans, Sara.
Ian, has decided that he needs to stay here with me ...
to go over some final details.
Oh! We were supposed leave first thing in the morning,
and I'd hoped that he was gonna meet my family tonight.
My father is making Chateau Briand and salad,
which is a special meal.
Oh, I know. And he told me all about it,
and he is very sorry that he can't come, but he ...
just wants stay here with me ...
and go over the boring details of our separation, and,
he'll meet you at the airport. He promises.
Huh, disappointed.
It's so selfish of me.
Listen, I know how you feel. But I think it's very important ...
that, you know ... we go over some file-things ...
before he abandons me forever.
Sure you understand.
- Can I see him? Is he here? - He's ... doesn't want to see you.
He said this to me, and I quote verbatim:
"If I see Sara right now, I won't be able ...
to stay with you for 1 more second.
I won't be able to do anything,
except kiss her madly ...
all over every part of her face,
swoop her into my arms, and run screaming away."
Yeah, that sounds like him.
I am truly sorry because I forced him to stay here tonight ...
I hope you understand that.
- I do, yeah. - Yeah, thanks.
Can I call him ... on the phone later?
No, I would prefer you didn't do that, you know,
out of respect for me.
Kind of the least you can do.
But I really want to talk to him.
Well, just think of how romantic it will be ...
when you re-unite on the plane to Rome.
Paris.
Paris? Paris. That's so romantic.
Well, I always wanted to see Paris with Ian.
Are you Ok, Louise?
Thanks for asking, Sara. Not really, but I will be. There's hope for me yet.
- Just excuse me. - Would you just tell him that ...
I'm thinking of him. And tell him ...
I told him he had nothing to fear ...
about coming clean with you.
He should have done it a year ago.
A year ago?
Yes, yeah, probably would have been better.
Tell him I am thinking of him?
You're thinking of him. Got it.
Thank you.
Oh, dear.
- Alright. - What did you do with Sara?
I sent her away. I told her ...
that you would meet her at the airport,
and that you and I had some last details to work through.
She is very pretty, not so bright though.
Oh, I can't understand what you are saying.
Sorry about that.
What were you mumbling about?
Sara is exceptionally bright, you don't know her.
Ah, exceptionally bright?
I don't think so.
She introduced me to Russian literature.
So that's why you were struggling through 'Brothers Karamazov'.
She is not only beautiful, she is brilliant.
Brilliant, brilliant. She has the kindest heart of anyone I have ever known.
I'm sure she is exceptionally kind for a home-wrecker.
She's also soulful, Louise.
Yeah, I am sure there is nothing bad about her,
that isn't completely wonderful!
And it doesn't matter.
By next time this year ...
you'll struggle to remember her name.
No, by this time next year she'll be my wife ...
and you'll locked away safe in a loony-bin.
No, no, nonsense & blooey, all of it. No more talking about her.
No, we'll talk about how your entire law career will be flushed down the drain,
once people know what a fruitcake you are.
Let's talk about that.
- How about we talk about that, Louise? - As a matter of fact ...
- No, don't tape my mouth ... - Why don't you just shut up?
No, I got enough of that ...
Louise ...
Ian, why don't you just shut up for a minute.
I want you to look at something, buddy.
Do you remember this day?
Do you remember everything about this day?
Like I do, huh?
How scared I was?
How I almost couldn't go through with it? And do you remember,
do you remember sitting with me in the back of the church ...
just holding me?
Do you remember the promise that you made?
How I never had to be afraid?
Nobody in my life would ever love me as much as you did?
I promise, you kept saying that over and over again: I promise, I promise.
And when the minister finally asked you ...
if you would take me as your wife,
you said: I do ? I promise.
Do you remember the first years of our marriage?
The sweetness of it, I mean really.
The unbearable sweetness of it ? that feeling.
We could trick the world;
to fight the odds and found each other?
Do you remember that, Ian?
I have to go to the bathroom.
Do you know if we have any Tylenol in the house?
My tooth really hurts me.
No.
- What's that smell? - I'm baking you some cookies.
Some chocolate-chip cookies ... are your favorite.
Louise, I really have to go to the bathroom.
You can wait.
I've got the fish.
Look at yourself, you're pathetic.
Look what you're stooping to here.
This isn't you, you are so above this.
You are not desperate.
You're an accomplished woman, you have an amazing career and tons of friends,
and you are sitting here and acting like you are a "Big Nothing" without me.
Well, you don't need me, you don't need me!
Don't tell me what I need!
Don't do that!
I won't become just another single, divorced ...
40-something woman, childless,
and try "Online Dating Ads" at night and watching "Reality Television", Ok?
And I won't get stuck in the past,
wondering whatever happened to ...
my best friend, off in Paris with someone barely out of her teens.
She's 24, actually.
I won't get addicted to ice cream ...
and start feeling sorry for myself and gain 30 pounds ...
and get set up with losers because I refuse to be lonely.
I refuse to go to movies by myself.
And to deepen my friendship with other women in my situation.
And I just refuse to be without you!
- I would rather just ... - What?
What, what ... die? Would you actually rather die?
Let's just say I'd rather go to jail.
I'm not gonna die. Nobody's gonna die.
Because everything is just ? everything is just gonna be fine.
Louise, please just let me go.
No.
Let me go, listen ...
Why don't we just down and ...
talk all this out ? if am all taped up here ...
you know we are not gonna be able to work anything out, hm?
No.
Louise, I have to go to the bathroom anyw ...
It's gonna get really messy, very soon.
Look, I promise I won't run away,
just like I did that day.
I promise. I'm not gonna run away.
So why don't you just ? you know ? un-tape me ...
now, while it's still in the funny stage before it gets too ugly.
- Just say it again. - What?
Just say I promise.
I promise.
I promise, Louise. I won't run away.
I promise just like I did that day,
and from the deepest part of myself.
Jesus.
- It's getting all crazy. - Yeah, well ...
- I am jus' going to get the scissors, Ok? - Yeah.
Alright.
Please, Ian, it's alright.
I really used a lot.
Ian, I am really not actually not very happy about any of this.
Yeah, I know how it is.
God it's so ? here you go, pretty good.
- Yeah, that's sticky stuff. - Yeah, I'm sorry.
Oh God, that feels better.
What did you do to the phone, Louise?
Did you cut the ...
I don't love you, I don't want to be with you!
You're pathetic, you're ugly,
and you make me sick!
Psycho freak.
Where are your god-damn keys, Louise?
Well, I found the Tylenol. It's helping just a little bit.
I'm gonna have to get to the dentist next week.
Would you like some Tylenol for your head?
Jesus! This is really happening, Louise?
I can please.
I am hoping it's just a bad dream.
Me too.
You can end it.
So can you.
Louise, what do you want from me, huh?
My heart just isn't in it anymore.
I simply don't to be with you.
Would you like a cookie?
No.
They came out really good.
Cookies aren't going to do the trick, Lou.
Does she make you cookies?
No, she doesn't make me cookies.
Where did you go?
Just want to know where did you go.
Did you go to her apartment?
Did you go to a hotel?
Did you come up here without me knowing it?
Yes, yes, and yes.
It was easier, you work so many hours.
How did you meet her?
- What does it matter? - I just want to know.
I met her at my accountant. She is the receptionist.
She is Murray's receptionist?
Then I met her too. I don't even remember her.
- She's "un-memorable". - Yeah, well, not to men.
She's not just the receptionist. She is working on her doctorate.
She's gonna be a psychologist.
So, how did you first ask her out ? I mean ...?
- Did you ask her to dinner? - She asked me, Ok?
Yeah, she called a number of times before I said "Yes".
And at first it was just about sex?
At first it's always just about the sex.
And then she became your best friend?
- Well, no. - No?
Louise, not every relationship is the same.
You always said all you wanted in life,
was to be married to your best friend ...
and that you were the luckiest man in the world ...
because you were married to your best friend.
Yes, I know what I said,
but that's not the way every relationship goes.
Sometimes you don't want to be married to your best friend ...
because the passion gets lost.
So you had a lot of passion with her?
Oh, will you stop, I am not ...
You know, yeah, a truckload.
But no intimacy.
Oh, oh ? it's a different kind of intimacy.
What kind of intimacy was it then?
A passionate kind of intimacy, rife with mystery.
I don't always know what she is thinking.
I don't always know what she is feeling.
I ... constantly discovering things.
But you always said that 2 people never knew each other better ...
than you and I.
That, that we understood each other.
- Yeah. - And you love that.
- I stopped loving that. - Why?
I don't know.
What could be better than that?
Certain things are a lot better.
Like sex with a new person?
She needs me, Lou.
- Och ? I need you, Ian. - You haven't needed me for years.
You're a "Superwoman".
You make more money than I do,
you can fix anything.
You can bench-press more than me.
What do you need me for?
Ian, I need you. I need you so much.
You need someone, not me,
not me in particular.
She needs me ? in particular.
Alright, I don't need you.
But I love you.
- Isn't that better? - Completely not better, no.
Why did you ever love me, Ian?
- I don't know. - No ...
Sure you do.
And I want you to think about that while ...
I go get you some cookies.
No, I am not going to think about it.
Sure you are, Ian.
- Would you like some milk? - I don't want any cookies!
I will be right back. Don't go anywhere.
These are the exact same cookies ...
I have been making for you all of these years.
But these are extra-special, because I put a "magic spell" on them.
When you eat one, you will deeply love me again ...
for the rest of your life,
and beyond.
Just kidding.
Just have a bite.
Just have a bite ? lookie ? come on.
- You really need to eat at ... - I don't want it, Louise.
Don't do, please, just don't ...
Your mother made me promise on her deathbed ...
that I would continue to make you these cookies ...
for the rest of your life.
She said I was the best thing to ever happened to you.
That until you met me,
that you had no direction and no purpose.
I picked you up by your bootstraps, and gave you a life.
You did!
Do you think she would approve ...
of what is happening right now?
I don't think she would like to see me taped ...
to a toilet.
I don't mean that.
I mean, do you think she would want ...
you to leave me ...
for Murray's receptionist?
What my dead mother thinks I should do is no great concern to me.
It should be.
What anyone thinks I should do is not a big concern.
You could name any member of my family ...
dead and alive, and tell me that they don't agree with what I am doing ...
and I could care less.
- Would you like another cookie? - Not really.
How about some music?
How about some music, Ian?
Oh, this is beautiful.
Beautiful.
Oh, God.
That's stoopin' low, Louise.
We danced to it at ...?
Yes, on our wedding, I remember.
Seems like a life-time ago.
Right outside this window.
You said that was the happiest day of your life.
Our relationship ending is like a death that just 2 people know about.
Our whole life gets lost,
everything we did together.
All the places we travelled,
the fights.
The small moments of tenderness.
Don't forget the all the failed "In vitro" attempts.
How could you say that to me?
You want to hurt me even more?
No, I am just remembering everything ...
and it wasn't all perfect.
Perfect, who said it was perfect?
You used to say it was perfect,
you said it all the time.
Aren't we perfect? God, it was a lot to live up to.
It was just too much to sustain.
- It was almost like it wasn't real. - I was real!
Yeah, until we stopped trying to have a child.
And is that why you want to leave me ...
because I didn't have your child?
No, no!
It's what happened after, Louise.
You became human.
I saw your flaws. You talk too loud, you know?
You talk over me.
And the sex, it became so mechanical.
No, no. It didn't!
And ? you were always in denial.
Ian, we spent so many weekends in this house ...
trying to get pregnant.
I counted the meals.
What?
When we came up here, sometimes the meals were so strained ...
I would count them. I hated them.
I started counting them to see how many of them were left in the day.
You stopped loving me.
I never knew.
You know, I tried to pretend it wasn't happening.
I thought if I could pretend it wasn't happening,
maybe smell would go away.
And then you met Sara.
And then I met Sara.
And you succumbed to her.
I succumbed.
I don't believe you really love that woman.
Not really.
You can believe anything you want, but ...
I'm going to Paris with her.
I guarantee you I will be on that plane tomorrow.
I still guarantee you won't.
And I am going to propose that she be my wife.
- Naw, you are not! - Oh, I certainly am.
- No, you are not! - Yes I am.
And I am telling you now there is no way ...
Could you please will me alone. I need to use the bathroom.
Not that this isn't fun.
Oh, God.
Excuse me?
Have you ever heard of the "Stockholm Syndrome"?
Yes.
Hostage falls in love with their captor.
Yes.
It's gonna take something much bigger.
An act of God, really.
Now please, close the door?
Close the door, Louise.
Close it!
Close the door!
Lake Kashimi, the trip we fell in love.
Do you remember?
Oh, your first office.
Remember I came by to put your name on the door?
- That was nice of you. - Yeah.
- And there ? um ... - The night I proposed to you.
- In front of "El Troubadours". - Yes.
Hm, you said "Yes".
Yes, without hesitation, you were sweating,
I felt so bad for you.
Well, I was scared you'd say "No".
I said "Yes", like 17 times in a row.
- No, this just isn't fair, Lou. - It is, it is.
It's more than fair, it's fact.
That was the day we painted our house.
- Was that after we got married? - No, no, it was just before.
Do you remember, Ian?
Turn it off, Louise.
- I'm not finished yet. - Yeah, but I am finished.
It doesn't matter what you show me.
We are not those people anymore.
Oh, yes we are.
None of the slides you have shown me,
are from the last 10 years.
I mean, where are those slides?
We don't have them.
Whatever we had that was so special,
just doesn't exist anymore.
We just need to make more slides.
No, no more slides, no. No more anything.
No more life together.
In fact from this moment on I just gonna scream and be as unpleasant ...
as possible ...
until you let me fucking go!
Ian, stop.
She is a lunatic!
- Help, help! - Stop it, Ian!
If you can hear me,
I am a hostage here taped to a toilet!
Help!
Please come and help me!
Hel ...
You look very nice, Louise.
Thank you.
I haven't seen you in a sexy dress in quite a long time.
Doesn't change things of course? What is the guitar for?
I'm gonna play and sing the song.
Please don't.
I am going to serenade you, like we did when we first met,
and you are going to like it.
God, I'm so embarrassed for you right now.
Will you just listen, Ian!
Oh, God, no, no ...
Louise, this is beyond.
It's just so not working, put the guitar away.
Shit! How does it go? Wait.
Well, I would applaud, but you made that impossible.
You could applaud with your face.
Does it look like I'm applauding with my face?
No.
You knocked me out cold and you taped me to a toilet.
Your romance is completely lost on me.
I mean, it's more like torture.
That's gonna take a miracle. Nothing less.
And since we both know the odds of something other-worldly happening here,
Why don't you let me go?
No.
- Louise, just give up. - I won't.
How are you doin'?
Bored and angry. I wanna wring your fucking neck, same as before.
Just checking.
Listen, I am gonna be going to the market in town,
'cause I'm gonna make you a really fancy romantic dinner.
Any request?
Could you get me my cell-phone and then why don't you drop dead.
You don't mean that, baby.
The only way I would eat your fancy romantic dinner ...
is if you would force-feed it down my throat.
Help!
Help.
994, 995 ...
996, 997, 998, 999 ...
Up here, help!
Help!
Hello.
Are you there? Help!
Help ...!
Please shut the fuck up. I am trying to rob you.
What?
I said shut up or I'll bash your stupid head in.
Talk about an easy target.
Coming to your house and the owner is already tied up for you.
That's a beautiful, beautiful thing.
Ah, proof of a higher power if you ask me.
You are never going to get away with this.
I told you to shut up, man.
Thank you.
Excuse me, sir,
do you happen to have any cash on you?
No, I don't.
- You don't have any cash? - No, I have no cash.
You sure you don't have any cash?
God!
- It's in my wallet in my pants. - Wallet in your pants?
Look at you, man.
You're taped to a fucking toilet.
Not that I care really, but who did this to you?
- My wife. - Pussy, that's perfect!
Holy shit!
Your fucking wife taped to a goddamn toilet.
What a day you are having, huh?
You must feel pretty humiliated.
Yup.
See, here is the difference between you and me, man.
Whenever I get the urge to get married,
I grab my balls and I squeeze them until I can't feel my legs,
and then it just passes.
- What did you do to her? - Excuse me?
Your wife ? to make her tape you to a toilet you must have done something to her.
Well, that's none of your business.
I am so interested in human nature, like ?
what makes people do the things that they do?
My girlfriend thinks that I'll be a philosopher.
I got a stereo about "Love". Do you wanna hear it?
Ah, no.
I think that love is an experiment ...
by a higher power. Call it God or whatever you want, but ...
I think it's still being worked out.
You know, the kinks.
It's not complete, it's like a test.
Brilliant.
Listen to me. If love is a test, then you are failing, Ok.
And in the grand-scheme of things that makes you a failure.
No, that does not make me a failure.
You promised this woman ...
that you would love her for the rest of your life, right?
And clearly you are failing at that.
You failed her, yeah man, you are a failure.
Who are you to judge me? You are a criminal.
Fuck you, man, I am an honest person.
I never pretend to be anything I'm not.
And I would never promise anyone the moon ...
and then mean only, until I am tired of giving you the moon.
Never.
So you think about that ...
while I'm loading your belongings into my van.
Pussy loser.
- Who the fuck is that? - Louise.
Ah, shit!
Oh, no.
Hello, my love!
I'm home.
Please, God, don't hurt her!
Don't hurt her!
Oh, my God, is she dead?
She definitely looks dead.
What did you do to her?
Ah, I just made it very, very quiet.
It was fun. Want me to do it to you?
You know what we need?
I wished we had matching toilet, say, for two. That would be pretty funny.
Shit, nice tit's.
Mind if I squeeze them a little bit?
- Don't you touch her! - Or what?
- What, are you gonna urinate on yourself? - I'll kill you, I swear to God.
There an escape route that way.
- Stop it! - I would never get sick of these.
When is the last time you touched these tit's?
Fuck, she is perfect, man.
You lucky bastard.
Oh, God, what I would do to you.
Shit, lucky fuck.
I don't think he'll kill us because we can't see his face.
I don't care about anything we own in this house, I mean.
It sounds like he is just taking everything that's not strapped down.
I hope he doesn't take that ...
silverware set your mother left us.
That antique set,
wished we had left that in the city.
You know?
There is that expensive painting that we invested in.
What was the artist's name? Kamano Suki Kamijoto.
Yeah, I hate that painting.
I don't care if it's worth 20 grand, I mean ...
It was made by a third-grader I think.
What did you say that reminded you of the rain?
One of the reasons I bought it was to make you happy and to remind you of the rain.
Oh my God, look at us, Louise.
It's ridiculous.
For all I know this is how it's gonna end for us right here in this bathroom ...
with the wallpaper I hate.
Why the hell did we ever not take this wallpaper down?
I do remember that day.
In the coatroom of the church when I was holding you and I was just rocking you.
When I was rocking you back and forth.
And you had dust all over your wedding-gown.
You looked so beautiful.
I was terrified.
It's not your fault, Louise.
It's not your fault.
You couldn't have children, and I started hating my life, hatin' ...
my boss, hatin' the advertising industry,
hating the apartment, hating this house.
Everything we bought that we thought we wanted ...
just hating everything.
Yeah, and I started feeling like a big miserable bastard, 'cause we ...
you know, some people have nothing and there we were,
we could buy stupid expensive paintings.
Some people have nothing.
Say something, Louise. Tell me about your crazy job,
tell me about your hectic schedule.
Complain for me, Louise.
Just say something, please.
Come on, Louise.
Don't leave me alone here in this bathroom.
Wonder if I am going to die. Don't leave me alone, Louise, come on.
Just say something please. C'mon, I'll listen, I'll listen.
What the fuck. Is he having a party here now?
Oh, shit!
What a fucking looser.
I know what I am, Louise. I am a nothing.
And I don't stand for anything anymore.
I'm just a loser taped to a toilet.
And it would be poetic justice if this is where I died.
You didn't marry this man, Louise.
Why do you think I wanted to go to Paris?
I had this romantic idea of myself you know that I could maybe be a hero to somebody again.
But look at me, I am a joke.
And you didn't marry a joke.
You married somebody who had dreams you know who ...
promised you the world,
and look what you ended up with, someone who lied to you,
who deceived you,
who couldn't protect you in the end.
A loser on the toilet.
I'm sorry, Louise.
I'm ? I'm so so sorry.
3,2 ...
Quiet, quiet, Jesus.
Sorry, about the rug.
Sorry, about your rug.
How do you do that?
Hello, is anybody there?
Ian?
- Ian, my only God, where are you? - Louise, Louise.
Louise, Louise, Louise ...
Louise, we're in the bathroom,
and we are being robbed.
Are you Ok?
I can't move my arms and my legs.
You're taped, Lou.
Can you stand?
I don't know, I am gonna ... I'm just gonna try.
See if you can go over to the light switch, rub against it, and turn it on.
God, my hands hurt, and my tooth is throbbing on some mess.
I know, I know ... I want to see your face.
There you are.
I'm so sorry, Ian.
Nah, it's Ok. It's not your fault.
- Lou, try the door. - What?
Try the doorknob, maybe you can escape to the back.
Can't get a grip.
Shit!
Did he touch you?
No, he just ... I came home and he ...
Everything was gone. All our stuff was all over the floor ...
in garbage bags and then he ...
he jumped me, and then he smashed my head into the ground.
And I just don't remember anything after that.
I'll kill him.
Ian, I'm so ashamed.
I'm so ashamed what I did to you.
No, no, no. I'm ashamed.
I'm ashamed what I did to you.
Do you think he will kill us?
I don't know, come sit next to me. I want you to sit next to me.
Why?
I just want you to be next to me, Lou.
Maybe we'll only have an hour left together,
maybe 15 minutes.
Let's talk this through.
Let's work our marriage out,
even if it's for only 15 minutes.
Are you just saying that because you are taped to a toilet?
I have had a lot of time to think about this.
And I don't want to fail you.
I'm pretty sure I still love you.
Sure, I'm gonna kill you sometimes.
Like all day today?
Hello, yeah, 'cause you make me crazy.
Just talk-talk-talk over me.
And, you are so opinionated, and sometimes it makes me numb.
I won't do that anymore. I won't talk over you, and have opinions, I promise.
Naw, you can have opinions.
You should quit your stupid job. You are so much happier if you ...
just quit your stupid job.
You hate working at that company.
You're right. I should quit.
I should quit, and I should take the money I have saved and should open up ...
my own company.
My clients they'd would follow me.
Yup, that's a beautiful idea.
We should keep trying to have a child.
We could even adopt.
- Do you mean that? - Yes.
Not just because you are taped to a toilet?
I mean it.
And I need to start romancing you a little more,
just like I did when we first were married.
I miss those days, Lou.
Every day you would look all sexy for me, and ...
You called me ugly.
You are not ugly.
You are a beautiful woman.
You are gonna make me for a child.
I'm not leaving you.
- You had an affair. - People have affairs.
Men.
I'm going to make it up to you, Lou.
I promise.
The light just blew.
Better to see you in the moonlight.
Ian, open the door!
I'm serious!
Who are you?
Shit!
Muah, I guess they made up.
Ian, what is going on?
Oh, please, c'mon, don't hurt her!
Oh, please don't hurt her!
Why? What are you going to do about it? Hand-tie the man?
Hope nobody else shows up. We're running out of tape.
We only have one roll.
Haven't you gotten everything you wanted?
Why don't you just leave already?
Look at that sexy, kinky bondage couple.
You guys are into some weird shit.
- Please just let us go. - Let me think about that.
No, to this side.
- Hey, don't you, hey! - Hey!
Actually I prefer the older one.
The younger one really reminds me of my whiny bitch girlfriends.
But, aren't you beautiful, huh?
C'mon, how have you been? What is your name?
Louise.
Louise, stop, stop it!
I find you beautiful, I do, I do ... every pore, every line, every curve.
You deserve better than him, You know that? He doesn't know what to do with you.
God, I like you this way.
Hey, leave her alone!
Please, I do whatever you want!
- What are you doing, honey? - Why ? you bitch.
Coming, sweetness!
Sara, calm down, calm down!
He is gonna kill us. We're gonna die.
And we are going to spend our last moments on earth ...
with your stupid ex-wife.
Um ... we're still married.
We are not going to die. Please calm down.
Oh, my God!
Why was she sitting on your lap?
You didn't show up at the airport ?
I was so ANGRY! I drove straight here.
Ok ... Sara, Sara, your gonna have to really ...
Sara, try to calm yourself. We are just being robbed here.
Oh, God, they taped you to the toilet?
- No, I did that. - What?
It's a long story, doesn't matter.
Ian.
Are you reconciling with your wife?
Yes, he is.
I didn't ask you. I asked him.
Ian, just tell her! Get it over with.
Sara, I am really very sorry about this.
No, you don't love her, Ian. You love me.
- I'm your little Russian bobo! - She's your little Russian bobo?
They are going to kill us!
We have to remain calm!
I wasn't talking to you!
I was talking to my boyfriend.
I don't care what you think.
I care what he thinks.
Oh, have you seen this? Check this out.
I don't know, it must have cost him $10,000!
You spent $10,000 on a bracelet for her?
It was about $3,000 ...
Yeah he did, because he is in love with me.
Ok, please, please ...!
This isn't helping, please!
We are in dangerous situation here!
Please!
Now listen, Sara!
He didn't use that much tape on you, why don't see if you can free your hands.
I'm not moving, Ian, until you tell your wife ...
that you are leaving her forever.
Can we, please, just work all that out later?
We are in danger.
Just tell her, tell her, Ian, and I will do whatever you say.
Fine, if that's all it takes?
Louise, I'm leaving you for Sara.
Fine.
And he is not just saying that to shut me up!
And he is saying it because it's true!
And believe me, however this works out,
we will be in Paris together next week ...
and you will be crying to your girlfriends.
Stop!
Please try freeing yourself.
- I can't. - Try harder.
You know what? I said I can't.
Louise, will you please just go and help her?
- I don't want to touch her. - Louise!
Fine.
Oh God, it's not working, Ian!
Oh, I hate you, Ian. I wished I had never met you!
Do you hear that?
I think they are leaving.
He is riding away on a lawnmower. Sara! Sara!
Did you see any kind of vehicle like from a lawn company or anything?
I was pretty angry ...
and upset when I got here, Ian.
So I ... I think, yeah maybe I saw a van, and a car or two.
I don't remember.
A van?
Yes, I saw a van, an unmarked van.
Doesn't our lawn company have a company van?
I'm trying to remember, I don't know, I mean ...
Yes, I ... they do. As a matter of fact I'm sure they do.
So, who are these guys?
I don't know, I didn't think we had anyone working on our lawn ...
until next month.
Some strange guy shows up and starts mowing our lawn.
Well, maybe that's how he operates, you know?
Maybe he just stakes out empty houses during the week ...
and robs them maybe ... and he just didn't count on finding us here.
Well, lets listen and see if they're gone.
I don't hear anything.
No?
They didn't kill us.
They just left!
Yeah, they just left.
They just left.
Look, I just need to know right now whether or not you are going back ...
to your ugly fucking wife?
Look honey, this is not the time to do anything,
but figure out how to get free. We've been tied up all night.
May I have a moment alone with Ian, please?
Where do you expect me to go, hon?
Oh, I don't care.
Why don't you get in the shower ...
and hum yourself a little tune,
so I can have a moment alone with him?
- Please? - Fine.
I love you, you fool.
Ok, I understand that.
Ok, I understand that?
That's what you're gonna say to me right now?
My wife's humming in the shower.
What do you expect me to say?
Oh Ian, I could have taken anyone.
Anyone!
Fernando, the guy from the gym, Dr. Cohen,
even my dermatologist.
Fred, the bank guy, anybody ... but I chose you.
I know, I know.
You make me feel smart and sexy ...
and strong and beautiful.
I wanted to go to Paris with you.
Ian, I wanted to spend my life with you,
and I don't think just because we are experiencing this little ...
blip that anything should change.
Yeah, you know, I got a lot of sorting out to do.
Sara, I'm sorry.
It's not so simple anymore.
You are forgetting it. How could you forget?
I'm not forgetting.
Please don't forget.
Ok, been more than a minute.
Ok.
Are you feeling any calmer?
No! This is an absolute nightmare! No!
Should've just gotten on the plane to Paris and gone alone.
Yes, you should have.
- Louise, Louise ... - Shut up!
Alright, alright ...
Listen, if Ian truly loves you,
he will come to see that, and if he does,
I will be graceful about it, and I will let him go.
Ok?
Ok.
Ok, just gotta figure out how the fuck to get outta here.
My cell-phone is in my back pocket.
If one of you guys can reach it, maybe you can dial 911.
And, you say you never saw their faces?
No, never.
And what was the name of the lawn service ...
that you normally use?
Mountain View Lawns. I don't think it's those guys.
There was a van in the driveway, but it was unmarked.
Can you describe it to me?
Ah, it was tan, and it had a lot of, ah ... dirt and dust on it.
That's all that I remember.
How many passenger seats?
Oh, I'm sorry I didn't count, ah ...
because I didn't know the house was being robbed.
Have you had any contact in town with anyone who asked you questions about your house,
or your schedule or anything like that?
- No. - No, no, not really, no.
We really haven't had any contact with anyone in town ...
after the 13 years we've been up here, no.
No, we pretty much kept to ourselves.
I have only been to this town once.
Now, who are you? What's the relationship here?
I'm his girlfriend.
His mistress.
We were supposed to go to Paris this morning,
where he, may or may not have been planning to ask me to marry him.
Ok.
Has this kind of thing ever happened before, officer?
I'm sure lots of people ...
have had affairs with much younger women.
No, I mean a guy on a mower ...
robbing people who have vacation homes up here.
We had a string of robberies a few years ago,
but we caught the guy.
I have never really seen a robbery like this before.
Can you take them down to the station today ...
and file a formal report of everything that's been taken?
Yes, of course.
You really think you're gonna catch these guys?
It's hard to say. You are not really giving us much to go on.
There's a chance someone might blab about it to a friend.
We'll catch him that way. Who knows?
Well, here is something they overlooked.
- Wow! - All your family silverware.
I can't believe they didn't see that.
- God, that is so lucky. - What a blessing.
Here is the station's address. Come down at noon.
Yeah, we'll be there.
Sorry, sorry this happened to you folks.
Nah, thanks, thanks ...
- I recommend locking your door securely. - Oh yes, we will, we will.
Ok, bye now.
I can't believe they took everything. They just took everything.
You know I'm sorry they took ... but we are alive, that's the important thing, you know.
We are Ok, we are alive and everything else is gonna be Ok.
They could have killed us, we're just plain lucky they didn't.
Bye.
All is well, Ruby.
- What time are the movers coming? - They said they'd be here around at 3:00.
I can't believe how easy it was to sell this place.
We'll be so happy once we're outta this crazy house.
You're already happy.
- Ok, what was that for? - Because I love you.
Hey, are you hungry?
Do you want to go into town for one last lunch?
You're asking me out on a date?
I am, I'm asking you and Ruby out on a family date.
Yeah, not afraid.