That's Laura's car.
Hey. - Laura!
You lost? - Hi, sweetie!
Yeah. How do I get back to New York? - Hey, stilI driving the booger.
Don't move. I'm getting in. - Sweetheart ...
Trip, no, no. No. - Its okay, l got it.
I got it, I got it.
Hi, Laura!
Oh my God! l had to get out of there. Desperate situation.
AIright, truth. Have l gotten obese? TeIl me the truth.
Are we gonna start that aIready? - TelI me the truth. You can't Iie for shit.
You look revolting. Head to toe. - Good. You've never looked worse in your Iife.
Oh, babe. - Trip.
You aIways know what to say.
l think this occasion calIs for a drink.
Yeah. Yeah, a coupIe.
Go. - Little race? l'lI race you.
Tom, man, the guy just keeps winning. - Honey, you didn't do so bad.
Sweetie, the day we met was the best day of my life. - lt was night time, honey.
lt was 2 a.m. on September 20th 1999, is what it was.
I believe we were at the "Yankee DoodIe". I asked if I could borrow your ketchup.
And l saw that you already had a bottle on your tabIe.
l know. It was a boId-faced lie, but l was desperate to meet you.
When are you ladies gonna get married aIready?
October. - May, maybe. October.
Maybe October.
You're here! - We're here!
FinaIly! How's my hair? - RevoIting.
Make-up? - Trashy.
Clothes? - Tacky choice.
You look beautiful. - Thank you.
Alright, we'lI have enough time tonight to kiss your butt at the rehearsal dinner.
Lo. - Li.
Please.
Lila ...
Lila.
LiIa Hayes is not my friend.
Lila Hayes is my sister.
No.
Lila and I have shared many things: rooms, cIothes, study notes, boyfriends ...
Lila Hayes is ...
...the luckiest girl in the world.
She has beauty, inteIligence,
a kiIler backhand, boobs I wouId kiIl for ...
She's graced with aIl of these things.
And she has brought us aIl here tonight,
to ceIebrate her greatest accomplishment.
Love.
Trip, l'm standing right here. - It's perfume.
WeIl, can you just try not to spray it in my nose?
l am so screwed for my toast. l haven't written a thing.
You aIways say that and then you give the best one.
You have an unfair advantage, Miss PubIished Writer.
But tonight you've got competition. - Your signature rhyming ode?
Damn right. Guaranteed to bring down the house. - Nice.
Hey, are you okay? - Why does everyone keep asking me that?
Can l borrow ... - Yeah, I wonder why people keep asking you that.
I'm sorry. lt was a reaIly Iong drive. - Cut the bulIshit, Lo.
When was the Iast time you saw him?
Saw who? - Tom. When was the Iast time you saw Tom?
l don't know. - You don't know?
You dated the man for four years. - Five.
Five. - But you guys have stayed close.
Yeah, we are. l mean, we were. - WeIl, when?
Honestly, l don't remember. - Before he proposed?
Around then, I guess. - You guess?
Fine. It was the day before.
Oh, that's sweet. He caIled to teIl you first?
No.
But you spoke with him? - Yeah.
She was back on. - And so you knew before Lila?
ActuaIly, he didn't mention it. - He didn't mention it?
So when did you hear? - When LiIa calIed to ask me to be her maid of honor.
And then?
And then? Nothing. - Nothing?
No. We haven't spoken since.
Sweetie ...
Guys, l'm fine. RealIy. ReaIly.
I couldn't be happier for them. - Okay.
Thank you.
There you are! - Hey.
WelI, are you coming? - l was just ...
WelI? - It's nothing.
You know I can't do this without you. - Of course I'm coming.
Okay.
Guys, we aIl look good. - Oh, shit. Shit!
What? - Look!
Take them off. - l have something.
l can't take them off. - Yes, you can. Just take them off.
What do you have? - lt's going to be fine.
Red nail polish? - lt might work. Let's see.
It's kind of gone alI the way down there. - You don't even notice it.
lt's kind of sexy. lt Iooks fine. They're just gonna see your pretty little face.
I need to know if this is funny. l'm gonna say to LiIa, "Last chance to have Pete."
That's realIy funny. - Yeah.
Okay, you guys don't get it. That's cooI. l'lI find something else. Not a big deaI.
That was amazing. - Yeah, not yet, buddy.
Ah. What's up, dude?
Ladies and gentlemen, sorry to interrupt, but cocktails beckon us tonight.
Lila, Tom, let's do this quickly, so that we can toast our fantastic pair.
You nearly took me down. - l knew it. I stilI make you weak at the knees.
AIright, we wilI do one waIk-through of the wedding procession.
Now, members of the wedding party, I need you to break into pairs.
Husbands wilI go with wives, fiancés with fiancés.
And Laura, you'Il go with Chip.
FIower girIs go before LiIa, who wiIl go with her father.
Minnow, you wilI Iead the processionaI.
And Tom, you'Il stand with Reverend Bartlett. - Okay.
l'm gonna ... l'lI probabIy just ... l'lI go ...
Yeah. Everybody got it? Good.
This whole thing rests on you. - Okay.
Wait. What's happening? - The whoIe thing depends on you.
Dude, I have no idea what she just said. Let's ask Pete.
This is kind of intimidating. - We're further back.
I believe we go that way. - This way.
Tonight's the night. - And what night is that?
The night you finalIy falI for me. - I wouIdn't hoId your breath.
Oh, but l wiIl.
What happened to your IittIe girlfriends? - Mere bodies Iaying the path to you.
Sorry, guys.
God, it's like a Bar Mitzvah in there. Did you see that room?
We should just have that "bring your own bottIe".
l'm sorry.
You Iook stunning, sweetheart. - Thank you, Mom.
Now, if we could just find your groom ...
It's funny, isn't it? - What's funny?
l don't know. Just the way he's standing there like that. - What's funny about it?
Okay, maybe funny is the wrong word, but ... Strange, it's ...
It is al little strange, don't you think? - What about it is strange?
The way he's staring out to sea like a Iovesick sailor.
He's a groom. Grooms get nervous. - Of course.
Mother, pIease don't.
You know what l think? - Yes, I know what you think.
And perhaps you wiIl permit me to say it? - l know you wiIl regardless.
He has to love you more, LiIa. - More than what?
More than whom?
More than you love him. That's the only way marriage works.
Leave him aIone.
How's Augusta? - She'Il be fine after a coupIe of cocktails.
Tom McDevon is quite a catch.
Summa graduate, championship swimmer, Ph.D. candidate in English,
rather easy on the eyes.
So let's raise our glasses to two perfect catches.
Perfect catch, perfect match.
There goes the bloodIine. - That's enough for you.
When Tommy toId me he was marrying the loveIy LiIa,
l said, "Tommy boy, you're one Iucky son of a bitch!"
And l said, "Attraction is a very important ingredient in any relationship."
"Sure, folks can taIk aIl they want about Iove and Ioyalty and aIl that other shit."
"But the important thing is, if she doesn't make your wiener hard ..."
"Then forget it. Forget it alI." What are you doing? - You had too much to drink.
No, I didn't.
Let's face it. My sister is perfect.
Everyone here knows it.
lf you're a chick, you've spent your life fighting the urge to kilI her.
lf you're a guy, you've spent your Iife trying to sleep with her.
Admit it, Jake. Admit it. - You admit it.
Don't worry, Weesie. He never got anywhere.
Mom, Dad ...
l know it's been hard to embrace the new in-laws.
But don't worry.
We onIy have to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with them.
Every year, for the rest of our Iives!
Wait.
Do Irish peopIe celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah?
The Iovely Lila sat on a waIl.
When she saw Tom McDevon her heart had a falI.
He rode in on his horse and picked up the pieces.
UntiI that day she had feIt like feces.
As everybody knows, Tom is unmatched in the swimming pool.
As everyone aIso knows, Tom is unmatched on the tennis court.
But not enough is said about what a truIy kind and generous man Tom realIy is.
Many of you may not know this,
but l was onIy 0.2 seconds behind Tom McDevon in the breaststroke,
our personaI favorite stroke.
Athletic and smart, kind and charming,
Tom McDevon was one disarming dude.
So I was like, "Jake, where is Tom?" He was like, "l don't know."
And I was like, "Pete, where is Tom?" He was like, "l don't know."
And we were just Iike ... No, but, Iike, nobody knew where he was.
And l stiIl maintain that he put roofies in my Gatorade.
And touched me inappropriately under the water.
That was me. - That was you?
Such a good story. I Iove that one. So ... But l ... Okay, so one more.
Here's to that lucky Iady. Here's to Tom. l love you both. And ...
And shouId that egg meet a sperm and turn into a baby,
count on me as a sitter. l wiIl aIways say maybe.
Cheers!
Lila is ...
...graced with beauty and intelIigence and determination.
Lila and I were roommates in colIege.
I was from the Midwest. She was from the East Coast.
My first memory is ...
We were both on OId Campus,
in line for our colIege IDs and freshmen.
And alI of a sudden this stranger comes up to me and says,
"You know we're gonna have these lDs for the rest of the year, right?"
And l said, "Yes." And she goes, "WelI, didn't you bring your make-up?"
So when she painted me up with Lancome's best,
l knew we were gonna be good friends.
And yet it was touch and go at first, but ...
We reaIized that our differences made us stronger. You know, we ...
We got the nickname "La-La", because we Ioved each other.
And we Ioved our friends.
Our friends got the nickname "The Romantics".
Because of our incestuous dating history.
We were just in Iove with each other.
Because that's what friends do. They faIl in love with each other.
And ...
Then they falI out of Iove and ...
They faIl back in love. This happens again and again, for the rest of their Iives.
The fact that Tom and Laura ...
The fact that ...
...Tom and Lila found each other is exceptionaI,
because they're both exceptionaI people.
And l wish them alI of the joy in the worId.
To their glittering future!
Hear, hear. - Hear, hear.
Glittering future. - Yeah.
Did I seem nervous? - No!
No. - No.
You were great. Fine. - You were realIy ...
Babe?
Wait! Lila!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You didn't think you couId escape that easy, did you?
Come on, LiIa, just stay for one more drink.
No. l need hours, maybe days of siIence.
Boring. - But l'lI see you guys at midnight, right?
Remember? You guys said you'd come tuck me in. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Remind the others, okay? - Okay. See you at midnight!
Hey, do you have any of those tropical umbreIlas you can put in ... - I'Il look.
What do you want? - I don't care, bro.
Hey!
Hey, come back here! Come back here!
That was loveIy, sweetie. That made me so proud.
There was a mist on your birthday. - I Iike some mist.
Movement to go skinny-dipping! - Stop it!
I'm game and so is Tom. l guarantee he wants to see some ass before his wedding.
I think he got his filI at the bachelor party. - Okay, yeah. That's right.
I spent half the night trying to pulI your ass out of the champagne room.
ExpIain that to me! - TeIl me right now, do I need to divorce my husband?
Certainly not, no. None of the strippers would have him. - God knows I've tried.
You cowardIy rat! - Get him!
Get him!
You got my suit alI wet! - You can't run for shit!
Oh, no. Oh, no. Come on, guys.
ReaIly?
No! No!
Hey.
I Iiked your speech.
Thank you. - l did. It was good.
You were a little nervous, but it was good.
CongratuIations. - Thank you.
l'm sorry.
It's okay. It was necessary.
Yeah, it was for the best.
You know what?
lt was easier than l thought it was gonna be.
ReaIly?
RealIy? Because l thought it was ... l thought it was harder than ...
lt was harder than l thought it was gonna be.
So, did you miss me?
Not for a second.
Mom? - lt's me.
Hi.
ls something wrong? - I'm just nervous, l guess.
What are you nervous about?
You know, nothing.
Everything.
I'm nervous Mom's gonna go psycho after the wedding.
You know how she gets when she finishes a project, alI up in your griIl and shit.
Up in your griIl and shit?
l just don't want the attention, I guess. - l think you'lI be spared.
What about you? Are you nervous?
l'm terrified.
You are? - Yep. To the bone.
About what? - l'm not sure Tom can ...
l'm ... l'm not sure Tom ...
l'm not sure Tom is ... - You're not sure Tom is what?
I'm just not sure.
Does he make you feeI beautiful? - Yes.
Does he make you feeI safe? - Most of the time.
Does he make you feeI special? - Don't be a dork.
You know, Iike you're his most interesting person. - Yes. Yes, he does.
You know what? This is dumb. Let's just forget it.
Okay, okay. - Okay.
l say we vote on who had the best toast of the night.
And l'm gonna say me. - No!
No way. - What?
Me. - Shut up.
And Grandpa McDevon came in second. - Oh my God, that was amazing!
AIright, guys. I'm going in.
l'lI do it! Who's coming with me? - lt's freezing, baby.
Let's get naked and go crabbing. - Go masturbate in your room, Chip!
Oh, come on, as a respect to the host.
Leave your clothes on. - No! Are you coming?
Tom, you didn't make a speech tonight. - Yeah.
Yeah, dude, you've been suspiciousIy quiet. - Are you scared of Augusta?
No, l was having too much fun watching you guys make asses of yourselves.
Yeah. - WelI, how about giving one now?
Yeah! - Speech! Speech!
Alright. l'lI give you a speech.
Speech! Speech! - AIright, I'Il give a speech. Okay. Okay.
Screw that. l need to get on my stage over here. - Where's your stage?
Look here.
Okay. AIright. You want a speech? I'Il give you a speech.
Speech! - Let's hear it!
Alright. - Make it good. Don't be boring.
As I gaze at this assembly of friends and family at this momentous occasion,
onIy one thing comes to mind. - Advertising!
We're aIl so messed up! - Yeah!
Speak for yourself! - l'm awesome.
Okay, okay, Iet me start this again.
We are aIl so uninspired.
Uninspired. We are so blind to the tiny, beautifuI things.
l saw Jake's tiny, beautiful thing.
No, l'm taIking about the tiny, beautifuI things that make life worth living.
Right? Like you, Weesie. - Weesie?
The way you were walking across the grass before the rehearsaI, that was beautiful.
Or how about Chip, after his toast?
The way alI the sound just kind of felI out of the room,
and aIl you couId hear were forks and plates? - That was magical.
Or how about the sound as you're driving up to the house here?
It's gravel, grass, ocean.
lt's verse, verse, chorus.
Wordsworth, ShelIey, McDevon. - McDevon!
The seven of us are friends. No, the seven of us are famiIy.
We're everything to each other.
Sister, brothers, mother,
nurse, shrink, opponent, rivaI.
We share a history and we share a goaI:
to inspire and to be inspired.
That, my friends, is imperative. And without that ...
Without that we got nothing.
Slow cIap. - Where's the cane?
AIright, the man is drunk! Where's the gong?
Seriously, you guys, thank you so much for coming.
So that's aIl l got. I'm sorry I was such a freak tonight.
Oh, and by the way ...
Where did he go?
Guys, l'm realIy worried. - Why are you worried?
Because he disappeared in the ocean.
He's probably passed out on the lawn, freaking out about the wedding.
CoId feet, anyone? - Yeah.
l think we have a fugitive on our hands.
Why don't we Iook for the guy? Let's break into pairs and canvas the neighborhood.
Yeah. - l love it.
Jake, I Iove it. I Iike the way you think. - Get over here.
Alright. - Alright.
Chip and I have spent a lot of quality time together.
l know. Why don't we mix it up a bit? We switch partners, like a dinner party.
Search party, dinner party. - Okay.
Dibs on Jake. - Yes, you've such good taste.
l know. - Fine by me. Weesie?
Come on, l'm not that bad.
Wait! Lo! We haven't even made the plan yet!
What areas shaIl we cover? We'lI cover the ... - Main house!
We'lI cover the main house. - Perfect.
Lo, remember: ten to midnight, on the porch! We promised Lila!
Okay, so, wait. If you were Tom, where would you be?
Doing my crunches.
Yeah? - Okay, yeah, but after you'd do your crunches?
I'd do 1000, but if l was done, I'd probably be in Lila's bed.
Yeah, that's her room right there. Want to take a Iast shot?
Me? Why don't you two Ies out again? How about that? - l'd Iove to.
Yes!
Oh, I realIy stepped on a rock. Hard.
You stepped on a rock? - Yes.
l like it in here. At Ieast it's warm. - I Iove it in here.
So, hey ... - Yeah.
I saw your movie. - What?
Yeah, I saw the torture one. l saw it. - How? It's never even got reIeased.
l know. I downIoaded it. I spend a long time on the internet.
Yeah, l bet you do. Wow, that is reaIly embarrassing.
l don't think you should be embarrassed. l thought you were realIy good in it.
You had a funny Iine about not wanting to die a bIonde. I thought that was good.
You did? - Yeah.
I came up with that Iine. - RealIy? Oh, that's great.
Speaking of great lines ... - Are you serious?
Why? What? Yeah. - l don't know. lsn't that a IittIe 80s?
Not when you mix it with WeIlbutrin. - Oh, cause WeIlbutrin ... Of course.
So we're doing the guest house. - Yep.
You trust him, right? - Who? Jake? Of course.
Good. Cause I don't trust TripIer one bit.
Do you ever think there was something odd about the way LiIa and Tom started dating?
The way that they started dating? - Yeah. Remember?
lt was right after we came here for that Iong weekend. Senior spring, remember?
l mean, don't you think it was kind of odd? An odd coincidence?
I don't even know what you're taIking about.
He asked her out Iike three days after we got back. Three days. - Three days. So?
So? Never mind that he was dating Laura, the girls were roommates.
You think that Tom started dating Lila because he coveted her parents' fortune?
You made that sound Iike an episode of "Dynasty". - That's what you're saying.
No. I'm just noting the dates. - You're an idiot.
I'm not an idiot. I'm just saying. - Something shitty about our friend.
Lila's Iifestyle appealed to Tom just like Lila's perfect tits appealed to you.
Oh, l'm sure those appeal to Tom as weIl.
He's not here. - No, doesn't seem to be.
Where do you think he is? - That's a very good question.
It's one l need a drink to consider.
This must be reaIly hard for you.
You drive haIf way to the North PoIe,
to watch the love of your Iife marry the pain of your existence.
And this is how they thank you? - HonestIy, Chip, l'm not in the mood.
It's ironic.
Asking you of aIl peopIe to convince the groom to show up for this wedding.
I wish l couId be there for the reunion.
"Oh, Tom, l thought you were Iost!" - "Oh, Laura, l was. Until l found you."
Aren't you supposed to be wearing some sort of ankle braceIet now?
That's funny! No, they just made me do some community service.
AnkIe bracelet? - l'm gonna keep going and see if he overshot the house.
Good night!
You're not worried? - Not at alI.
Wedding day jitters is a universal affIiction.
Did you freak out the night before your wedding?
Yeah, I spent the night before my wedding in a closet.
Of course, TripIer had Iocked me in it.
Darn! - I hope Laura's okay.
She's fine. - Chip was kind of a nightmare.
No worse than usual. - And you don't think we shouId teIl LiIa?
Why worry her for no reason? God, l couId have sworn I got another bottle. My God!
Where are you hiding from me?
Jackpot.
So when's the big date again? - We haven't quite figured that out yet.
Are you excited? - Very.
Are you scared? - I figure l know what I'm in for.
We've been together for almost ten years. - Wow! Are we that oId?
And besides, if you and Trip are any indication, married life is bliss.
You do have a sense of humor!
To your glittering future. - To your glittering future.
To our gIittering futures. - Futures. Yeah.
To ...
Come on, Iet's dance. - l'm already regretting this. Dancing and the coke.
You can never regret the dancing, ever. - How do you want to dance?
Okay, show me your dance moves. - AIright, welI, it's a kiddy pIay.
That's a start. There's more. - Oh my God! I can't beIieve you can do that!
l can do a lot of things you don't know about. - Do it again.
l don't want to do it again, because ... - Just do it one more time.
lt wouId bIow up the mission. - Oh, that was so cool! I realIy loved it.
Hey, hey, hey. Laura!
I should go and Iet everyone know that you're okay. - Come here for a minute.
They're reaIly worried about you. - Please. Just ...
Don't go.
Nobody knows that I'm out here.
Exactly. - And nobody knows that you're out here.
What's your point?
Maybe we can just hang out for a minute.
Nobody's gonna know the difference.
Why are you here? - l don't know.
I thought l would swim half way across the bay for the chance to be aIone with you.
You're so fulI of it. - l'm fulIy serious.
So, are you excited about tomorrow? - Oh, yeah.
What's your song? - My song?
Your wedding song. Your first dance for the wedding. - Oh. I don't know.
Lila picked it.
WelI, you're gonna have to dance anyway. You realize this?
And everyone wilI be watching. - Yeah, weIl, I can hold my own.
Yeah? - Yeah.
WelI, let's see it. - What? You ...
Okay.
No. - No?
No. - What?
Maybe you should show me. You could teach me something.
Come on.
So, what do l do?
WelI, try not to step on her feet. - Yeah, that might annoy Augusta a bit.
And try not to Iet her lead too much. You don't want to appear cautious. - Okay.
l owe you an apoIogy. - lt's okay. Don't taIk about it.
So you forgive me?
l wouldn't push your Iuck.
You know, heads up wouId have been nice.
You know, nothing major. Just ...
Just a quick e-maiI. You know, "Hey, Laura. Hey."
"I saw you last night and countless others over the last ten years and ..."
"Not excluding the four years we dated in coIlege,"
"and the year that we got back together to try again."
"And the handfuI of times we've slept together since."
"But you know that LiIa and l are together now."
"Though l've struggled endlessly with this predicament, we both know the inevitabIe."
"So don't be surprised when she caIls you and asks you to be her maid of honor."
AIthough, you know what? There is another approach.
It's less direct, but same effect. "Hey, Laura, great seeing you Iast night."
"Great movie, great meal, great sex. But the problem is ..."
"Greatness makes me sick."
"I'Il see you at the wedding."
You know, on the other hand ... I mean ... Look, ten years of a loving friendship,
sporadic, incredible sex,
scattered with nights...
so fun they explained the evolutionary purpose of taIking!
Not to mention the time that we've clocked together,
Iistening to music, driving with no destination.
I guess this beautiful mess is best ended without notification.
ProbabIy better.
l'm sorry.
Don't be. lt was a gift.
An act of cowardice so complete disqualifies a person from consideration.
l tried to do what I thought was right. Okay?
lt's not Iike l came at this Iightly. - Oh, no.
Laura, you're the one who broke up with me. - Oh, fuck you!
Laura, we were seniors in coIlege! - Don't even start.
What did you want to do? Get married at 21 ?
What is this? 1 950? - No, it isn't.
We were too far apart!
l was trying to finish my dissertation, practicalIy living in the library!
You were doing God knows what in New York City, fending off your hipster boyfriends!
If you're gonna patronize me, try to think of something a little more original.
We gave it a coIlege try out, Laura. - Yeah, we did.
It was an accident of timing. - Wow.
And Iet me guess. Your proposaI was an accident too? You got the wrong woman?
Give me a freaking break. - You know what? What difference does it make?
Just stop taIking. - Yeah. You know what? I think that wouId be a realIy good idea.
Come here. Listen to me.
I was a lifeguard in high-schooI. Do you remember that? - Yeah, l remember.
It was my favorite summer job. - You and every other guy in America.
I wouId sit in that chair itching to get out, dying to get into the water.
And after eight hours my shift would end and l would make a break for it.
But as soon as l got into the water the strangest thing happened.
l would start to panic. - AmbivaIence is a disease, you know.
An actuaI mental iIlness. - That's not funny.
Let me guess. When you were a kid you wouId order chocoIate ice cream,
then immediateIy wish you'd have gotten vaniIla?
That's not what l'm taIking about. - No, I get it. You're torn between two women.
What I'm trying to say is ...
l'm afraid of the ocean.
I'Il remember that the next time l swim on your clock.
You think you have some kind of a special gift for knowing what's in my heart? - No!
No, I think we both do for each other!
Has it occurred to you that l need a woman Iike LiIa? - What kind of woman is that?
l don't know. Somebody happy. - Meaning numb?
Somebody practicaI. - Meaning busy.
Confident. - Meaning rich.
Somebody stable, who doesn't have to tear others down to buiId themseIves back up!
In other words: you're polar opposite! - Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
WelI, haven't you heard? Opposites attract and then they bore each other to death!
Boring is better than maddening. - l'd rather die of excitement.
Hey. - What?
Hey! Hey!
Hey! - Do you remember that paper, junior year?
Yeah, of course. "The HopeIess Romantics: Misconceptions of a Movement."
Yeah. Only you could start a 50 page paper the night before.
And stiIl get an A-minus? - Because l wrote it.
You maybe wrote haIf of it.
"Ode to a NightingaIe. A Love Song to Inspiration."
The romantics weren't writing about love. They were writing about reIigion.
Then I'm not sure l know the difference.
"ForIorn! The very word is Iike a beIl,
TolIing me back from thee to my soIe self!"
What's the next Iine?
l can't remember.
Liar.
Anybody can make a big romantic gesture. The question is, what happens after?
Do you remember? Do you remember what you said to me that night?
Yeah, l remember everything. - So, what did you say?
I said it was the perfect night. - You said it was the perfect night.
So? - So? How do I top that?
We had so much fun! - We had so much fun!
So what's the problem?
The probIem is every time we had one of these amazing nights,
I wouId wake up the next morning in a freaking panic!
Why don't we spare each other a life of disappointment and get with somebody else?
That is the weakest excuse I have ever heard!
Just say it! Just say you're in Iove with LiIa!
Do you want me to say that I want to marry you?
That l wiIl spend the next 50 years regretting this very moment?
You inspired me!
You inspired me too. - Then we're supposed to be together.
l know.
l'm gonna go and l'm gonna teIl everyone that you're okay.
But I'm not. I'm not okay. - You chose this.
No! No, you can't.
You're actuaIly a Iot of fun.
Thanks. - Yeah. No, reaIly. You're hiIarious.
Your surprise is disturbing.
You just seem Iike you're about to have a breakdown haIf the time. Take a shot!
I'm marrying Jake, for Christ's sake. - That's true.
lt just got hot in here. - Wait! Cheers me.
Cheers you.
Man, that stuff is strong. What did you say you put in it again?
Oh, l just crushed up some of my old lithium. - No!
Just joking, you wimp. - Oh, man.
Hey, what was that?
What? - l heard something.
Okay, there's no Tom here. - Yes, there's not.
So, there goes your theory. - l stiIl say he's in LiIa's room.
Why does everyone seem so happy? - They're not.
RealIy? - Yeah. l mean, Laura's depressed, pretending to be happy.
Yeah. - Weenie's a mess who pretends to have her shit together.
Pete is a screw-up pretending to be a success.
And what about you? - l'm Iike a miserabIe bastard who's pretending to give a shit.
Wow. - Yeah.
You had me fooIed. - WeIl, good.
And what am I? - WeIl, at least you're honest.
Laura, TripIer, you're Iate. - lt's me.
What are you doing here? - We need to taIk.
Honey, you know I'm superstitious. - Please, just Iet me in.
What's the matter? Did something happen?
You're having a pre-wedding panic attack? - Don't patronize me. Okay?
I Iove you. - I Iove you too.
Yeah, but why? - Because you're smart and charming and handsome.
You make me feeI safe and happy.
And when I'm with you even the most tedious things are fun and exciting.
And you're a very good kisser.
Thank you. - It's true.
Why do you love me?
That's the thing. l don't ... I don't know.
I'm sorry. What? - Oh, shit.
l'm so confused right now. - You're not doing this now!
Why not now? Isn't now better than later? - Okay. Alright.
l'lI teIl you why you love me. Because you need me. - Yeah, weIl, so ...
We're so different!
We are. And when you're not behaving like a total freak, that's what makes us work.
Okay, you're patronizing me again. - No, I'm not!
Why is emotion some kind of a mental iIlness with you?
It is, if you indulge in it aIl the time!
Don't you think l wanna freak out? Don't you think I wanna lose my shit?
Why do you get to be the one that drinks too much, that says scandalous things,
that has wild mood swings?
Has it ever occurred to you that those are freedoms afforded to you by me?
Has it ever occurred to you that my emotions are just as intense?
l just work harder to controI them.
But why? You don't have to. I wish that you would lose it more.
Who? Who should l lose it to? My mom? My brother? You?
Take a Iook around you, Tom. Somebody's gotta keep their cooI.
I just need you to hold it together for another 12 hours. Can you do that for me?
Yeah, l think so. - Okay.
Now go find Pete and Jake and have a talk, before you cause us any more bad luck.
Okay.
WiIliam, wake up. I'm gonna panic. - What's wrong?
lt's going to rain.
Augusta, come on. - WiIliam, wilI you wake up?
I'm up.
Who do you think helped scuIpt the ice penis and alI that?
l did. I did.
Get out of town! - l designed it.
Listen, the wildest thing that you've ever done...
is rolI down your window on the drive up here.
Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Is that a chalIenge? - And what if it is?
l'lI race you to the front porch. - We're talking fuIly dressed?
Fuck that. Buck naked.
Weesie. - Yeah?
l like this. l mean you. - Let's do it.
Now we're talking. - Take it off.
I haven't done anything worthwhiIe since I was 1 8.
What did you do when you were 1 8?
Cheated on my SATs and got into Yale. - Oh.
Yeah, l was headed for greatness. Now l'm just headed for a breakdown.
Yeah.
No, now is where you say, "You know what, Trip? You're a great actress."
And l say, "You know what? Your noveI is gonna change the world."
Oh, yeah? You know what, Trip? You're a great actress. - And your novel is ...
We don't realIy have to do this.
Yeah, let's not.
Funny idea, though.
You're not getting off that easy.
Oh, that's freezing!
Oh, shit, they're coming. - What? Wait!
Minnow?
No, no, no, no, no!
Minnow! - Look what l did accidentaIly.
Okay, okay, okay, calm down. CaIm down.
She's probabIy gonna wake up first thing in the morning ... - I'm thinking.
Okay, okay, this is what we're gonna do. - Okay.
You're gonna count to 1 00. l'm gonna go downstairs.
And when you hear me go into Lila's room, you're gonna make a break for it.
And we are gonna deaI with this tomorrow.
Start counting.
One, two, three ...
Laura, Trip, you're late. - lt's me.
You said you'd be here at midnight. - Yeah, I know.
We're druggies, losers, assholes. l'm so sorry. - Where is everyone?
We aIl had so much to drink. I doubt anyone is stiIl standing.
Pete! lt's Pete.
Pete, who makes the world go round. Pete! Pete!
Pete, who makes the world go round.
Dude! - I just wilI never get your alternative lifestyIe, dude.
What's up, dude? - What's up, man?
Hey, Iisten. - You want a sweater or something?
l ain't a for reaI cowboy, but I am one helI of a stud.
Here you go, sir. - Hey, is this cashmere?
So sorry. - I was ...
lt's fine. Where's Laura? - Oh, God, I don't know where she is.
l saw her go into the house about an hour ago. She said she was going to sleep.
What is up with the toga situation? - Oh ... Don't ask.
What? lt's ... I couldn't find my ... - Dress?
lt's just ... How are you? Are you ...
Any Iuck? - No. You?
No. - This is bad.
I'm sure Chip and Laura found him by now. - Yeah, if they're even stiIl together.
LiIa is gonna kiIl us.
We shouId teIl her. - No! We should not teIl her, cause she's gonna freak out.
That would be an appropriate response. - Why are you trying to cover your butt?
l'm not trying to cover my butt. l did nothing wrong!
You guys, we should just give him a few more hours.
There's no point in getting everyone worked up if we can avoid it.
ExactIy my point.
AIright. Everybody in favor of telIing LiIa? - We alI are.
Everybody in favor of not teIling Lila?
Fine. We'lI just wait untiI it's light.
Okay. - Okay.
Alright. - Okay.
"ForIorn!
The very word is like a belI toIling me back from thee to my soIe self!
Adieu!
The fancy cannot cheat so weIl as she is famed to do, deceiving eIf.
Adieu! Adieu!
Thy plaintive anthem fades past the near meadows, over the stilI stream,
Up the hiIl side and now tis buried deep in the next valIey gIades.
Was it a vision or a waking dream?
FIed is that music. Do I wake or do l sIeep?
Look, there she is. Lo.
Hey.
Have you seen him? - Us either. We're gonna teIl LiIa right now.
Wait. - What is it? Where were you last night?
Where were you last night? - Oh, my God. You were with him.
Trip, leave her alone. - No, she was.
Why do you think that? - Come on, Lo, fess up.
Guys ... - We don't have time for this right now. Let's go.
Come on.
Minnow!
Look what she did!
Oh, darIing, that's a ... That's nothing. We have enough time. It can be fixed.
ReaIly? - This wilI be fine. l can fix it.
LiIa, don't. Don't! Lila! She didn't mean it!
You're so dead! - Stop!
Li, there's something we need to teIl you. - What is it?
Tom's missing. - Last night.
No, he's not. I saw Tom Iast night.
Are you kidding me? That's great! Where is he now? - There he is.
Hey! - Take a look there.
You're getting my credit now.
Getting ready? - Yeah.
Big swim you went for. - lt's bad Iuck for you to see each other before the wedding.
Weesie, shut up.
l'm gonna go get ready.
Me too. - Okay.
LiIa! Honey!
Hey. - Hey.
You good? - Yeah. Yeah, I'm a little ...
Wearing your lucky tie there? - Yeah, it... Fuck, l don't know ...
You having some trouble tying the knot there, buddy?
l'lI be here alI night.
You might want to shave. - Oh shit, I forgot to shave! Okay.
Alright, what do you guys think of the hair? There?
Or ... - Or there?
Chose a side.
The dresses look pretty. - Oh, yeah.
Looks great.
That's eleven minutes.
Where have you been? l'm gonna need heIp with my zipper.
How's my make-up? - RevoIting.
And the hair? - Trashy.
Have you seen my dress? - Tacky choice.
Thank you. Okay, perfect.
Oh, my God!
l'm getting married!
Minnow?
Come on in!
Oh, you look beautiful.
Oh, shit! l left the bouquets downstairs. CouId someone get them for me? - l wiIl.
Thank you! - AIright. What do you need?
l beIieve I need to get dressed. - Yes, we'Il do that.
There you are. I was starting to think you'd run off with those.
Minnow. - l'm sorry.
It's aIright. You're just in time. - No, not about the fIowers.
l saw Tom last night. - That's nice. Did you two get a chance to catch up?
I found him when he was missing. - The years as a girl scout paid off.
No, he wasn't lost. He was hiding.
l know aIl about his meItdown. - That's not what I mean.
Honey, you Iook so beautifuI! GirIs, it's time to process. Let's go.
What do you mean? - Mother, come here.
I mean Tom wasn't aIone last night. He was with me. We were together.
Why are you teIling me this right now? This doesn't concern me! - lt doesn't?
Laura ... - Trip, why don't we go check on the boys?
I'd be concerned if the groom wasn't a wreck the night before his wedding.
WeIl, if he was in Iove with someone eIse, would that concern you?
Laura, this chapter is over.
Li, I Iove him. - Yes. And I feel sorry for you.
You know I have tried to change these feeIings.
I've done everything. Other guys, other towns, other jobs ...
They say that it gets easier with time, but it doesn't.
If anything, the more time passes, the more I miss him!
Unrequited Iove is the perfect romantic construct.
Two cowardly people can act out a fantasy of love without facing any consequences.
Li, you know he feeIs the same way. He always has and you know that!
You're my maid of honor! - And I have done everything to fulfiIl that obligation.
I thought that l couId get through this. l did.
But I can't and he can't either. He doesn't want this either!
Do you remember sophomore year? The Christmas party where you wore my dress?
The red one I bought especiaIly for the event? You took that too, without asking.
And when I went to get ready, my dress was missing. - You know what?
l picked that dress out, when we were on ChapeI Street.
We saw it in the window at NelIie's! And you remember!
I picked it out and then you went back and you bought it!
l was the editor of "Lit"! It was my night! It was my occasion!
Or the time I got the appIe tattoo and then a week Iater you got the same one?
You saw me draw that in "19th century noveI", okay?
And then aIl of a sudden you show up and you have it branded on your taiIbone!
Every year of coIlege l provided you meticuIous notes before the finaIs ...
You feel entitled to my things ... - They're mine!
They're mine! - Because you want them!
Yeah. But you win, LiIa.
You provided me with the meticuIous study notes, but I inspired your best ideas!
And when you got together with Tom, senior spring, l was stilI dating him!
Why are you doing this to me right now?
Because you're about to marry a man and l don't think you should.
You just can't bear to see me happy and so you have to trash it with your emotions!
No. You deserve to be with someone who is in Iove with you totaIly and completely.
How dare you pass this off as an act of friendship? This is sabotage!
No. This takes courage. - Courage? That's funny.
l am not trying to hurt you. - Yes, you are. That is your intention.
This has nothing to do with Tom. lt's about me and you and your envy!
Okay.
You can't do this. You can't. You can't buIly me any more.
ObviousIy l am torn. And as your friend, l do want what is best for you.
But l can't keep putting you ahead of me forever!
My God, you're deIusionaI. You actuaIly beIieve you're entitled to my fiancé!
This is not a difficuIt or compIicated situation, Laura. This is very simpIe.
I won and you're jealous. - Jealous?
No.
I pity you.
Your groom is in Iove with another woman.
He asked me to marry him, not you.
AIl this is certainIy tragic,
debatabIy interesting, but ...
lt realIy doesn't matter any more, because he's marrying me in ten minutes.
Li, he cheated on you.
No. You did.
Oh, my God, can I move yet?
l'm sorry about Iast night.
I was out of line. - Yeah, you were.
Maybe l do need that ankle braceIet.
Seriously, l'm realIy sorry.
Thank you.
Love is Iike the ocean. Vast, seemingly endless.
Rocky at times, peacefuI at others.
Daunting for alI its unexpIored depths,
but a constant source of wonder and amazement.
Tom and LiIa have written their own vows, in an expression of their creativity.
Lila ...
LiIa, when I ...
Lila, when l look at you, l'm speechIess.
I IiteraIly have nothing to say.
And l ...
lf I ...
Did you feeI that? - What?
No.
LiIa, words faiI the depth and complexity of my feelings for you.
l need canons of Iiterature, unwritten books, an entireIy new language.
But the thing is, without words l have nothing.
l have nothing.
And l ...
lf I ...
Maybe I should say it for you.
Guys!