September 1st, 1989.
Dear diary,
I think I'm a good person.
I believe there's good in everyone,
but here we are first day of senior year.
I see these kids I've known all my life and wondered,
what happened?
Freak! Slut! Burnout!
Bug-Eyes! Poser! Lard-ass!
We were so tiny Happy and shiny
Playing tag And getting chased
Freak! Slut! Loser! Shortbus!
Singing and clapping Laughing and napping
Baking cookies, eating paste
Bull-dyke! Stuck-up! Hunchback!
Then we got bigger
That was the trigger Like the Huns invading Rome
- Move - Uh, sorry
Welcome to my school This ain't no high school
This is the Thunderdome
Hold your breath And count the days
- We're graduating soon - White trash!
College will be paradise If I'm not dead by June!
But I know
I know Life can be beautiful
I pray I pray for a better way
If we changed back then
We could change again
We can be beautiful
- Ow! - Just not today.
- Hey, are you okay? - Get away, nerd.
Freak! Slut! Cripple! Homo!
Homo! Homo!
Things will get better soon As my letter comes
From Harvard, Duke, or Brown
Wake from this coma Take my diploma
Then I can blow this town
Dream of my ivy-covered walls And smoky French cafes
Watch this!
Fight the urge To strike a match
And send this dump ablaze!
Oops.
Ram Sweeney.
Third year as linebacker.
And eighth year of smacking lunch trays
and being a huge dick.
What did you say to me, skank?
Nothing.
But I know, I know
I know life can be beautiful
I pray, I pray I pray for a better way
We were kind before
We can be kind once more
We can be beautiful
Beautiful!
- Agh! Hey, Martha. - Hey.
Martha Dunnstock. My best friend since diapers.
She's got a huge heart.
Around here, that's not enough.
- Thanks. - We on for movie night?
Yeah, you're on Jiffy Pop detail.
I rented The Princess Bride.
No, again?
Don't you have it memorized by now?
What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending.
Martha Dumptruck!
If you wanna slim down,
you need more protein in your diet.
Kurt Kelly.
Quarterback.
He is the smartest guy on the football team.
Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf.
What is wrong with you?
I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?
My buddy Kurt just asked you a question.
What gives you the right to pick on my friend?
I mean, look at you.
You're a high school has-been waiting to happen.
A future gas station attendant.
You got a zit right there.
Dear Diary.
- Why - Why do they hate me?
- Why don't I fight back? - Why do I act
Like such a creep?
- Why? - Why won't he date me?
Why did I wear this?
Why do I cry myself To sleep?
- Why? - Somebody hug me!
Somebody fix me! Somebody save me!
Send me a sign, God!
Give me some hope here! Something to live for!
Ah! Heather, Heather
And Heather!
Then there's the Heathers. They float above it all.
I love Heather
Heather, and Heather
Heather McNamara. Head cheerleader.
Her dad is loaded, he sells engagement rings.
Heather Duke. Runs the yearbook.
No discernible personality,
but her mom did pay for implants.
And Heather Chandler.
The Almighty.
Heather
She is a mythic bitch.
The Heathers are solid Teflon,
never bothered, never harassed.
I would give anything to be like that.
I'd like to be their boyfriend.
That would be Beautiful
If I sat at their table, guys would notice me.
So beautiful
I'd like them to be nicer.
That would Be beautiful
I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked
in an abandoned warehouse and leave her tied up for the rats!
Grow up, Heather.
Bulimia is so '87.
Heather, I need a mint.
What you need, Heather, is to see a doctor.
Ah, Heather and Heather.
And Heather.
Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting.
You're late for class.
Heather wasn't feeling well.
We're helping her.
Not without a hall pass you're not.
A week's detention.
My parents pay your salary!
Actually, Ms. Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass.
Yearbook committee.
Well, I see you're all listed.
Hurry up and get where you're going.
This is an excellent forgery.
- Who are you? - Veronica Sawyer.
- I crave a boon. - What boon?
Let me sit at your table at lunch. Just once.
No talking necessary.
If people think you guys tolerate me,
they'll leave me alone.
Before you answer, I also do report cards,
permission slips and absence notes.
How about prescriptions?
- Shut up, Heather. - Sorry, Heather.
For a greasy little nobody, she does have
good bone structure.
And a symmetrical face.
If I took a meat cleaver down the center of her skull,
I'd have matching halves. That's very important.
Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds.
And ya know, ya know Ya know?
This could be beautiful
Mascara, maybe some lip gloss And we're on our way
Get this girl some blush
And Heather I need your brush
- Let's make her beautiful - Let's make her beautiful
- Make her beautiful
- Okay? - Okay!
- Out of my way, geek! - I don't want trouble!
You're gonna die At 3:00 p.m.
Don't you dare Touch me!
- Get away, pervert! - What'd I ever do to them?
Who could survive this? I can't escape this!
- I think I'm dying! - Who's that with Heather?
Heather, Heather, Heather
And someone!
Heather, Heather Heather
And a babe!
Heather, Heather Heather
Veronica?
Veronica? Veronica?
And ya know, ya know Ya know
Life can be beautiful
You hope, you dream You pray
And you get your way!
Ask me how it feels
Looking like hell on wheels
My God, it's beautiful!
- Beautiful! - My life is beautiful!
Beautiful!
And when you're beautiful
It's a beautiful Frickin' day!
Heather, Heather Heather, Veronica!
Heather! Heather! Heather, Veronica!
Veronica! Veronica! Veronica!
Dear Diary, it's been three weeks
since I became friends with the Heathers.
Friends isn't the right word exactly.
It's more like the Heathers are people I work with.
And our job is being popular and shit.
- Hey, Veronica. - Hey!
You really look beautiful these days.
Yeah, well, it's still the same me underneath.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
Look, I'm sorry I flaked on movie night last week.
- I've just had a lot going on. - I get that.
You're with the Heathers now. It's exciting.
It's… whatever.
But we'll hang out soon, I promise.
Veronica.
Heather requires your presence. Now.
How very.
Veronica, I need a forgery written
in Ram Sweeney's handwriting.
You'll need something to lean on.
Heather, bend over.
"Hi, beautiful.
I've been watching you and thinking about us
in the old days.
I hope you can come to my homecoming party this weekend.
I miss you, Ram."
Put an "XO" after the signature.
What's this for anyway?
You remember how Ram used to hang with Martha Dumptruck?
Yeah, in kindergarten. I mean, we all did.
We all didn't kiss on the kickball field.
Oh, my God. That's right, I totally forgot.
Ram kissed Martha Dumptruck.
It was disgusting.
Perfect. Boys?
Over here, please.
What do you think Heather wants?
- My hot body? - Uh-huh, punch it in!
Hell yeah!
Ram, be a sweetie and give this note to Martha Dumptruck for me.
What? No!
Martha's had a crush on Ram for like 12 years.
This would kill her.
And come on, Heather, you're bigger than this.
Are we gonna have a problem?
You got a bone to pick?
You've come so far, why now are you pulling on my dick?
I'd normally slap your face off, and everyone here could watch.
But I'm feeling nice. Here's some advice.
Listen up, byatch!
I like
Looking hot Buying stuff they cannot
- I like - Drinking hard
Maxing Dad's credit card
- I like - Skipping gym
Scaring her, screwing him
- I like - Killer clothes
Kicking nerds in the nose!
If you lack the balls You can go play dolls
Let your mommy fix you A snack
Whoa!
Or you could come smoke Pound some rum and coke
In my Porsche With the quarterback
Oh, whoa Oh, whoa, oh whoa!
Honey, what you waiting for?
Welcome to my candy store!
Time for you to prove You're not a loser anymore
Then step Into my candy store!
- Guys fall - At your feet
- Pay the check - Help you cheat!
- All you - Have to do
- Say goodbye to Shamu - That freak's
Not your friend I can tell, in the end
- If she - Had your shot
She would leave you to rot!
Of course if you don't care Fine, go braid her hair
Maybe Sesame Street is on
- Whoa! - Or forget that creep
And get in my Jeep
Let's go tear up Someone's lawn!
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Honey, what you waiting for?
Welcome to my candy store!
You just gotta prove You're not a pussy anymore
Then step Into my candy store!
- You can join the team - Or you can bitch and moan
You can live the dream
- Or you can die alone - You can fly with eagles
- Or if you prefer - Keep testing me
And end up like her!
Veronica, look! Ram invited me to his homecoming party!
See? I told you there was still something there.
This proves he's been thinking about me!
- Color me stoked. - I'm so happy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Honey what you Waiting for…
Shut up, Heather!
Step into my candy store!
Whoa, time for you to prove
You're not A lame-ass anymore!
Then step Into my candy store!
It's my candy store It's my candy
It's my candy store
It's my candy store!
You shouldn't have bowed down to the swatch dogs
and diet-coke-heads.
They're gonna crush that girl.
I'm sorry, what?
Well, you clearly have a soul.
You just need to work harder keeping it clean.
We're all born marked for evil.
Okay. Don't just quote Baudelaire at me
and then walk away.
Excuse me, I didn't catch your name.
I didn't throw it.
Who does the guy in the jacket think he is anyway,
he's Bo Diddley?
Veronica's into his act, no doubt.
- Let's kick his ass! - Hey, we're seniors, man.
- We're too old for this. - Come on.
Hey, sweetheart!
What did your boyfriend say when you told him
you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio?
My buddy Kurt just asked you a question.
Hey, Ram,
doesn't this cafeteria have a "no fags allowed" rule?
I'm not sure what your problem is.
But I bet it's really hard for you to pronounce.
Hold his arms!
Holy shit! Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit! Holy shit!
Why when you see boys fight
Does it look so horrible yet
Feel so right?
I shouldn't watch this crap
That's not who I am
But with this kid
Damn
Hey, Mr. No-Name Kid
So, who might you be?
And could you fight for me?
And hey
Could you face the crowd?
Could you be seen with me
And still act proud?
Hey, would you hold my hand
And could you carry me
Through no man's land?
It's fine if you don't agree
But I would fight for you
If you would fight for me
Let them drive us Underground
I don't care how far
You can set my broken bones
And I know CPR
Well, whoa
You can punch real good
You've lasted longer
Than I thought you would
So hey, Mr. No-Name-Kid
If some night you're free
Wanna fight for me?
Holy shit
If you're still alive
Holy shit
- I would fight for you - Holy shit
- If you would fight for me - Holy shit! Holy shit!
Holy shit! Holy shit!
Oh, man, that sucked!
Those were some cheap shots.
Ah! I'm missing a ball!
- No, you're not. - No, no, seriously.
I think he kicked it up my butt or something.
It's probably just impacted.
Plug your nose and push.
Okay.
- Oh, there it is. - See, told you.
Your mouth was hanging wide open.
- No, it wasn't. - I mean, seriously,
- Veronica, drool much? - It was nothing like that.
Come on, admit it. You like the new kid.
I don't even know his name.
You were totally throwing your panties at him.
I am talking to my friend.
Sorry, Heather.
- Oh, mom, dad, look out. - Oh.
Ah. Here you go, girls.
Care for some pate?
This isn't pate.
It's liverwurst.
I'm aware of that, Heather.
It's a family joke.
Oh, funny.
Doggone it.
Will somebody please tell me why I read these spy novels?
'Cause you're an idiot, dad.
Oh, yeah. That's it.
You two.
So, girls, any plans for tonight?
Yeah, big homecoming party at Ram Sweeney's house.
I'm catching a ride with Heather.
Speaking of which.
Right.
Great pate, mom.
But we better motor if we want to be ready for that party.
Oops.
Clean that right now.
Do I look like the maid?
Veronica, your mom is hilarious.
I forbid you to go anywhere with that girl.
- Mom… - Well, she has no respect for anything.
I know what she is.
What they all are, but they will get me safely
through high school.
I'm not going to change, I promise.
So, can I go?
- Go. - Thanks.
What the hell goes on at that school?
I do not wanna know.
So step into my candy store!
It's my candy store It's my candy
It's my candy store
It's my candy store!
Veronica!
Don't forget to buy corn nuts!
It's not a party without corn nuts!
Yes, Heather, plain or BQ?
BQ!
Greetings and salutations.
You want a Slurpee with that?
No.
But if you're nice, I'll let you buy me a Big Gulp.
That's like going to Micky D's to order a salad.
Slurpee's the signature dish of the house.
Now, did you say cherry or lime?
No, I said Big Gulp.
I'm Veronica, by the way.
Veronica Sawyer.
You ever gonna tell me your name?
I'll end the suspense.
Jason Dean, JD for short.
So, JD.
That thing you pulled at the caf' was pretty severe.
The extreme always seems to make an impression.
What brings a Baudelaire-quoting badass like you
to Sherwood, Ohio?
My dad's work.
He owns a deconstruction company.
Deconstruction?
Yup, the old man seems to enjoy tearing things down.
You seen the commercial?
"I'm Big Bud Dean.
If it's in the way, I'll make your day."
Yeah, then he pushes the plunger and the screen blows up.
Oh, that's your dad?
In all his toxic glory.
Well, everybody's lives got static.
Veronica!
Example, I don't really like my friends.
I don't like your friends either.
Hey, bag the party, hang here.
At the 7-Eleven?
Swanky first date.
Hey! I love this place.
No offense, but why?
I've been through Ten high schools
They start to get blurry
No point in planting roots 'Cause you're gone in a hurry
My dad keeps two suitcases Packed in the den
So it's only a matter Of when
I don't learn the names Don't bother with faces
All I can trust Is this concrete oasis
Seems every time I'm about to despair
There's a 7-Eleven Right there
Each store is the same From Las Vegas to Boston
Linoleum aisles that I love To get lost in
I pray at my altar of slush
Yeah, I live For that sweet frozen rush
Freeze your brain
Suck on that straw Get lost in the pain
Happiness comes When everything numbs
Who needs cocaine?
Freeze your brain
Care for a hit?
Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?
Not anymore.
When mom was alive We lived halfway normal
But now it's just me And my dad, we're less formal
I learned to cook pasta I learned to pay rent
Learned the world Doesn't owe you a cent
You're planning your future Veronica Sawyer
You'll go to some college And marry a lawyer
But the sky's gonna hurt When it falls
So you better start Building some walls
Freeze your brain
Swim in the ice Get lost in the pain
Shut your eyes tight Till you vanish from sight
Let nothing remain
Freeze your brain
Shatter your skull Fight pain with more pain
Forget who you are Unburden your load
Forget in six weeks You'll be back on the road
When the voice in your head Says you're better off dead
Don't open a vein!
Just freeze your brain
Freeze your brain
Go on and freeze your brain
Try it.
I really don't see what the big deal…
Son of a bitch!
Veronica!
Uh, I have to go.
- So I see. - Corn nuts?
Uh, sorry, Heather.
Don't you have a Marcy concert to get to?
Come on, Veronica!
Okay, Ram. Have fun tonight,
but I expect you to act your age.
The Hendersons' have the phone number for the cabin.
If they call to complain, I'm going to drive back here
and knock the sand out of your diaper.
Dude, what am I, five?
I'm your dad, not your dude.
That goes double for you, Kurt.
You're a guest in Bill's house
and you will treat it with respect.
Sure thing…
dude!
All right, Kurt.
- Hold his arms. - Okay. Come here you.
- No! No, no, no! - Come here.
Now, who's a great big sissy?
Who's going to prom in a bright pink dress?
- Me! Me! I'm a sissy. - Who's a sissy?
I am a big fat sissy!
Darn right!
Enjoy your party, son!
- Punch it in! - Boo!
Oh, boy! Oh!
Man, that sucked!
Who cares?
The parents are gone and I got my party slippers on!
All right!
Dad said, "Act your age"
You heard the man It's time to rage!
Blast the bass Turn down the light
Ain't nobody home tonight!
Drink, smoke, it's all cool
Let's get naked in my pool!
Punch the wall And start a fight!
Ain't nobody home tonight!
His folks got a waterbed
Come upstairs And rest your head
Let's rub each other's backs
While watching porn On Cinemax!
The folks are gone It's time for big fun!
Big fun! We're up till dawn
Having some big fun! Big fun!
When mom and dad forget To lock the liquor cabinet
It's big fun, big fun! Big fun!
Whoa!
So it's salt,
then shot, then lime.
Very important to get the order right.
Ah, you're a natural, just like my mom.
Veronica,
looking good tonight.
Whoa.
A hot guy smiled at me
Without a trace of mockery!
Brainiac Please up all night
Veronica is home tonight!
Freaked, tweaked Head's a blur
How did I get so popular?
Don't get close You might ignite
Veronica is home tonight!
Dreams are coming true
When people laugh But not at you!
I'm not alone! I'm not afraid!
I feel like Bono At Live Aid!
Ah!
The house is ours
It's time for big fun! Big fun!
Let's use their showers That sounds like big fun!
Big fun! Crack open one more case!
I think that's what they call Third base
Big fun! Big fun! Big fun!
I'm actually having big fun!
Big fun! Big fun! Big fun! Whoa!
Yo, Rottweilers!
What is Westerberg gonna do to the Razorbacks at Sunday's game?
Gonna make you go whee! Whee! Whee! Whee!
Ah! The party is Hot, hot, hot!
It's time for big fun! Big fun!
You need another shot.
- We're having big fun! - Whoa!
Big fun!
Martha Dumptruck In the flesh
Here comes the Cootie Squad We should…
- Shut up, Heather! - Sorry, Heather
Look who's with her Oh, my God!
Dang! Dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang-dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
I can't believe you actually came.
It's exciting, right?
Excuse me, I want to say hello to Ram.
I brought sparkling cider.
Showing up here Took some guts
Time to rip them out
Well, who's this pig Remind you of?
- Especially the snout - Hah!
Dang, dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Hi, Ram. I wasn't gonna come,
but since you took the trouble to write that sweet note.
What note?
Why do you gotta be so weird all the time?
People wouldn't hate you so much if you just acted normal.
There's no alcohol in this!
Were you trying to poison me?
Dang, dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang, dang Diggety-dang-a-dang
The folks are gone It's time for big fun
Big fun
We're up till dawn Having some big fun
Big fun
So let the speakers blow They'll buy another stereo
Our folks got no clue
'Bout half the shit Their Children do
Why are they surprised Whenever we're unsupervised?
- It's big fun - Big fun
- Big fun
Big fun
Big fun!
Okay, Westerburgers.
It's time to celebrate our upcoming victory
over the Razorbacks by whacking apart their mascot.
All right!
We need a volunteer to take the first swing at the piñata.
Martha Dunnstock.
I think you should do the honors.
I don't really know this game.
Well, let's show this girl some Westerburg spirit!
Martha!
Martha! Martha! Martha! Martha! Martha! Martha! Martha!
Martha! Martha! Martha! Martha! Martha! Martha!
Bring out the piñata!
What's your damage, Heather?
Give it to me.
Gotta get them all.
You want it, swim for it.
- What's going on? - Go home. I'll explain later.
- But… - Go.
Well, we gave it a shot, huh?
I'm resigning my commission from the lip gloss Gestapo.
I'm going back to civilian life.
- No! - Don't spin me!
I'm not feeling well!
You don't get to be a nobody!
Come Monday, you're an ex-somebody!
Not even the losers will touch you now!
Transfer to Washington, transfer to Jefferson.
No one at Westerburg's gonna let you play
their reindeer games!
I raised you up from nothing!
And what's my thanks?
I get paid in puke!
Lick it up, baby.
Lick… it… up.
I know who I'm eating lunch with on Monday.
Do you?
Okay, party people!
Where's the goddamn keg?
The demon queen Of high school has decreed it
She says Monday, 8:00 a.m. I'll be deleted
They'll hunt me down In study hall
Stuff and mount me On the wall, 30 hours to live
How shall I spend them?
I don't have to stay And die like cattle
I could change my name And ride up to Seattle
But I don't own a motorbike
Wait.
Here's an option that I like
Spend these 30 hours
Gettin' freaky
Yeah, I need it hard
I'm a dead girl walkin'
I'm in your yard I'm a dead girl walkin'
Before they punch my clock
I'm snappin' off Your window lock
Got no time to knock
I'm a dead girl walking
Veronica? What are you doing in my room?
I had to see you I hope I didn't wake you
See, I decided I must ride you
Till I break you
'Cause Heather says I got to go
You're my last meal On death row
Shut your mouth
And lose them tighty-whities
Come on!
Tonight I'm yours!
I'm your dead girl walkin'
Get on all fours Kiss this dead girl walkin'
Let's go, you know the drill
I'm hot and pissed And on the pill
Bow down to the will Of a dead girl walking
And you know You know, you know
It's 'cause you're beautiful
You say you're numb inside But I can't agree
So the world's unfair
Keep it locked out there
In here it's beautiful
Let's make this beautiful
That works for me.
Yeah
Full steam ahead
Take this dead girl walkin'
- How'd you find my address? - Let's break the bed
Rock this dead girl walkin'
I think you tore My mattress
No sleep tonight for you
Better chug That Mountain Dew
- Okay, okay! - Get your ass in gear
Make this whole town Disappear
- Okay, okay - Slap me, pull my hair
Touch me there And there and there
And no more talkin'
Whoa-oh-oh-oh
Love this dead girl walkin'
Oh, oh, hey, hey, yeah, yeah, Love this dead girl
- Oh, hey, hey, wait, wait - Love this dead girl
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
- Ow! - Yeah!
Hello, slut!
How did you get in here?
I'm like oxygen.
I'm everywhere.
I mean, seriously, Veronica?
You slept with that?
I will crucify you on Monday.
Everyone's gonna know the good, little Veronica Sawyer
is nothing but a dirty whore!
Why are you so determined to hurt me?
Because I can!
It'll be so very!
Very, very, very
Very, very, very, very, very
Are you okay? You're soaking wet.
It was just a dream.
- What's the rush? - I have to get to Heather's house.
Why? You said you were done with Heather?
Yeah. Well, that was a sweet fantasy,
a world without Heather.
A world where everybody's free.
Now, it's morning and I got to go kiss her aerobicized ass.
Oh, yeah?
Well, why don't you let me come with?
- Really? - Yeah.
You know… for back up.
Okay, then.
By the way…
you were my first.
Heather?!
- Maybe she's not here. - Trust me.
She skips the Sunday morning trip to grandma's
even when she's not hangover.
Heather?!
What?!
It's Veronica!
I'm here to apologize!
Hope you brought kneepads, bitch!
Fix me a Prairie Oyster and I'll think about it.
Don't forget the worcestershire.
Oh. You know your hangover cures.
My dad thought me all kinds of stuff.
Hey.
Here's my revenge.
I'm going to drop a phlegm globber in her Prairie Oyster.
She'll never know.
I'm more of a no-rust-buildup man myself.
Oh, don't be a dick. That stuff would kill her.
Thus, ending her hangover.
I say, we go with big blue.
Hey, what are you doing? You can't just…
Besides, she would never drink anything that looks like that.
Well, ceramic mug, dim light,
she won't know what she's drinking.
Forget it.
Oh…
chicken.
You're not funny.
All right. I'm sorry.
Prairie Oyster! Chop, chop!
Veronica, you, uh…
I what?
Good luck.
Good morning, Heather.
Veronica…
and Jesse James.
Quelle surprise.
Let's get to it.
Beg.
We both said things we didn't mean last night.
I actually prefer if you did this on your knees
in front of your boy toy.
- Okay. Look, I am really sorry. - Do I look like I'm kidding?
Down.
Nice.
But you're still dead to me.
Corn…
nuts.
Quelle surprise indeed.
Well, don't just stand there. Call 911!
- A little late for that. - Heather.
Heather. Heather. Oh.
Oh, my… oh, my God, I just killed my best friend!
- Oh, and your worst enemy so… - Same difference.
The police are gonna think I did this on purpose.
They're gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin.
Unless, look, she was reading The Bell Jar.
- Oh, no. - Oh, yes.
You can fake her handwriting.
It will make her sound deep, like this…
I had pain in my path Like Silvia Plath
My problems were myriad
I was having my period
- Oh, my God. - You know, this isn't funny.
You could go to jail. Get your head straight now.
Heather would never use the word myriad.
She missed it in her vocab quiz.
So, it's a badge for her failures at school.
Work with me.
- Okay. - Okay. What would she say?
What is her final statement to a cold, uncaring planet?
Dear World Believe it or not
I knew about fear
I knew the way Loneliness stung
I hid behind smiles And crazy hot clothes
I learned to kiss boys With my tongue
- That's good. - But, oh
The world, it held me down
It weighed like a concrete Prom queen crown
No one thinks A pretty girl has feelings
No one gets her insecurity
I am more than shoulder pads And makeup
No one sees
The me inside of me
Jesus, you're making me sound like Air Supply.
Hey, keep going. This has to be good enough to fool the cops.
Is it murder?
No, look. There's a suicide note.
They couldn't see past
My rock star mystique
They wouldn't dare Look in my eyes
But just underneath Was a terrified girl
Who clings to her pillow And cries
My looks were just like Prison bars
They've left me A myriad of scars
Myriad. Nice.
No one thinks A pretty girl has substance
That's the curse Of popularity
Popularity
I am more than just A source of hand jobs
No one sees The me inside of me
Yeah, I'm telling you, Principal Gowan.
Heather Chandler is not your everyday suicide.
- You should cancel classes. - No way, Coach.
I send the kids home before lunch
and the switchboard will light up like a Christmas tree.
Our children are dying.
What the school needs is a good old-fashion rap session.
I suggest we get everyone into the cafeteria
and just talk and feel together.
Thank you, Ms. Fleming.
Call me when the shuttle lands.
Go ahead, laugh at the hippie.
But we all misjudged Heather Chandler.
Myself included.
I mean, have you read this suicide note,
really read it?
Box up my clothing For Goodwill
Let's give the poor A helping hand
Donate my necklaces And rings
To starving children Needing set
Send them my hats and my CDs
My pumps My flats, my three TVs!
No one thinks A pretty girl has feelings
But I weep for all
I failed to be I failed to be
Maybe I can help the world By leaving
Maybe that's the me
Inside of me
Ugh, hell.
Long weekend for everybody!
Not too fast, kids.
While they're refueling the buses,
which gives us a solid half hour of healing.
I want you all to study this suicide note,
so you can really feel Heather's anguish.
Her world seem Like a perfect place
- Go on. - But friends and toys
- Had no effects - Feel!
That's why she punched me In the face
- Heal! - Because she was desperate to connect
Veronica, something on your mind?
I'm sorry. It's just this classroom discussion
is stirring up emotions I haven't felt
since hands across America.
My God.
Look what we've done We're breaking through
Heather would be So proud of you!
And you! And you! And you! And you!
No one thinks A pretty girl can touch you
- Heather touching me… - Heather touching me…
But she's made us Better than we were
Heather's dead
But she will live inside me
And I'll be the me Inside of her
Holy crap! This is awesome!
Heather cried, our sins Fell on her shoulders!
- Jesus Christ! - Heather died
So we could all be free!
I'm bigger than John Lennon!
Heather's gone But she will live forever!
She's the dove That sings outside my window
She's the twin From whom I'm separated
She's the horse I never got for Christmas
Heather sees the me
Inside of me
Heather is the me
Inside of me
Inside of…
Me!
As anyone who saw the Breakfast Club can tell you,
all teenagers are essentially the same.
Heather was not alone in feeling alone.
We have to identify the other ticking bombs out there.
Identify and…
heal them.
But I gave Heather a C-minus last week.
And now, I lie awake at night wondering…
God, turn it off.
…if not, was what pushed her over the edge?
Ugh, what crap.
Shows like this make suicide look cool.
Hey, kids, make your teacher cry,
get the respect you didn't get in life.
It's gross.
Do you think Heather's mother keeps everything
in her room the same, like, she's alive.
Well, rugs gonna need to get cleaning.
Why?
Well, I feel bad.
Heather was a human-being and we killed her.
You feel bad, too, right?
Of course.
Hey, you wanna get some ice cream? Let's go hit Dairy Queen.
- What's wrong? - Jason!
- We need to leave now. - What is going on?
Jason, are you here?!
- That's my dad. - Oh, cool, I wanna meet him.
- Not a good idea. - Jason, come on.
- It's show time. - Oh, Mr. Dean, hello.
Veronica, this is my dad, Big Bud Dean…
Get rid of her. Some friends of ours need a hotel broke down.
Now, run over to Sears,
get 80 pounds of fertilizer and some diesel fuel.
Uh, use the Nevada ID.
I'm going for ice cream, with my girlfriend.
You know how I blew up one of these shit box suburban houses?
Packed the top floor with thermals,
set it all off with a Norwegian in the boiler room.
Where is your house, sweetheart?
Right.
Well, I should go.
My mom is cooking dinner.
Spaghetti with lots of oregano.
Nice.
Last time I saw my mom, she was waving at me
out the window of a library in Texas.
Right, dad?
Right, son.
Okay. Well, see you tomorrow.
Dear, Diary.
JD's dad will not be speaking at our wedding.
Hello?
Veronica? It's Heather Mc.
I need help. I'm out at Layman's Farm.
What's wrong?
Just hurry, please. It's an emergency.
Is she coming?
She said she was, but I kind of feel bad
for dragging her all the way out here.
Nobody cares about your feelings.
Oh, this mud is gonna ruin my shoes.
Hmm, I'm not sure it's mud.
- Shit! - Exactly.
What are you two doing in the middle of a cow pasture?
We're stranded.
We were headed to the cemetery to pour
a jug of Thunderbird on Heather's grave.
You know, from her homies.
But Kurt and Ram saw cows and stopped the car.
Why? There's nothing out here, but cows.
Get ready to push! Put your back into it!
- At the count of three! - What are they doing?
Cow tipping.
- One, two, three. - One, two, three.
So immature.
Come on. I'll drive you guys home.
Oh, that's not why we called you.
We made a deal with the guys.
A deal?
What kind of a deal?
If we got you to show up here, Kurt promised to give us his keys,
so Heather and I could go home.
Show up for…
what exactly?
Come on.
I've seen you looking at Kurt.
What?
- You think he's cute, right? - No.
- And Ram also very cute? - No.
The cows are down for the cows.
And the chicks are up for grabs.
Veronica's here, so we're leaving. Car keys now.
- All right. - Have fun.
- Don't do anything we wouldn't do. - Bye.
- Oh, look, more keys. - No, no, no, no, no. Come on.
Give me my keys. No. Stop screwing around.
- I have to get home. - You can't just leave.
Not when you're dressed like that.
Dressed like what? This is what I always wear.
I know. And it's torture.
How do you expect us to control ourselves when you look so hot?
Dear Diary Here we are in the dark
Fifty yards from my car I could climb that tree
I never get that far
They're a hundred pounds Heavier
They have my keys I'm a rat in a trap
Correction, I'm the cheese
Hey there, girl Ignore this fool
He tries to play cool While he's dribbling drool
Just trying to say In our friendly way
That you've gotten hotter Like every day
Hey there, girl
Avoid this punk
He's hungry for a hunk Of the junk in your trunk
There is no lie That dog won't try
When a tasty treat Like you walks by
'Cause once You were geeky and nerdy
Now, you're flirty Freaky, and dirty
You were nothing and nobody
But now you're good Enough to get with me
Huh, you're welcome
Look where you are
You're welcome You've won the football star
You're welcome
Baby, what's that smell?
That's the smell of me Loving you well
You're welcome
- Yeah - This is not a drill
This is not a bad dream
In a cow pasture No one can hear you scream
Never break their stare
Stay awake, stay aware
You're not in real danger 'Till they grab your hair
Come back, girl
Now, don't play hurt
If you don't want me staring Why you're wearing that skirt?
We can't be tamed And we can't be blamed
It's all your fault That we're inflamed
Because once You were grody and grotty
Now, you got a body Like a Maserati
Stroke my fur Make me purr
Hey, you wanted To be popular!
- Hit me! - Huh.
You're welcome Look where you are
You're welcome
Come get your football star
You're welcome Come and join the pros
Because once we squeeze you You'll stay squoze
You're welcome in my lap Welcome on my knee
Well, come on and get grabby In the grass with me
I got one last chance To save my ass
What was that move From my self-defense class?
I'll steal your heart Like a thief
Bring you sweet relief
Call me Wendy 'Cause you'll never wonder
"Where is the beef?"
They're a powder keg So don't yell or beg
Stay friendly, then gently Accidentally sweep the leg
- Whoa, what the hell? - Dude, this mud stinks.
Oh, gross.
You're welcome
Back up fool, you reek.
You're welcome
Well, you smell like a sewage leak.
- You're welcome - Wait, dude
I'm pretty sure This ain't mud!
- It's cow manure! - It's cow manure!
- You're welcome - No, it's everywhere.
You're welcome
- Oh, God, it's in my head. - Oh, God, it's in my head.
- You're welcome - Hey, girl
Now, let's not dwell I'mma smell
You can tell I can still be loving you well
- Swell! - No, I'll be loving you well
- See you in hell! - No, I'll be loving you well
No, I'll be, I'll be, I'll be I'll be loving
Loving, loving, loving Loving you well
You're welcome You're welcome
Dear Diary,
that was a close call.
My so-called friends avoided date rape
by volunteering me for date rape.
That sort of assholery never happened when I was in charge.
Oh… you.
I kept Ram and Kurt on a tight leash.
Look, I'm sorry you're dead now, but let's not rewrite history.
You were a thug.
Maybe. But I made the trains run on time,
everyone knew their place,
the year book got done properly, the prom was consistently awesome,
and the spirit float always won a goddamn blue ribbon.
Once you've scarfed down a hot ball of chaos,
you'll look back on my regime as look at old days.
What are those two pillowcases doing?
It looks like they're clearing out your locker.
Hey, that's Heather's scrunchie.
Heather Chandler is gone.
It's up to me to take her place.
Is that a joke?
It is most definitely a joke.
Why would you say that, Heather?
See? Chaos.
Heather was our friend.
We can't just swap her out like a light bulb.
It's because I'm not a cheerleader like you, isn't it?
You think you're better than me.
What?
No.
Shut up, Heather.
No, Heather! You shut up!
I have a new favorite color
Heather choked Bought the farm
She could not hack it
Now, we need a strong arm To run this racket
Heather's out Who will rise?
Gotta fill that vacuum
It's my turn, it's my prize
I spit lightning Crack, boom!
I bit my tongue so long
I learned to count to ten
My silence may be strong
I did my time and then
A house dropped on her head
The witch is dead Ding dong!
Move, bitch, it's my song
I will never Shut up again
I will never shut up again
Brand new day Watching dreams come true
Well for me, not you
'Cause I'll never Shut up again
Girls like me Don't climb high
Can't crack that ceiling
But now I scrape the sky It's you who's kneeling
Heather's pet You're old news
Look at you, you're busted
You think You'll fill her shoes
Too late, I just did
Now, I don't need To brag
Once I was one of you
But now I am the flag
You pledge allegiance to
I am the dream you chase
I'm your amazing grace
Yo, party's at my place
I will never Shut up again
I will never shut up again
Brand new day Now we're finally free
Free to worship me
'Cause I'll never shut up…
Shut up, don't judge me Little Ms. Innocence
Your hands ain't clean I see your fingerprints
You act so uptight So virgin white
But I heard from the boys
What you are up To last night
Veronica is my wet dream
Veronica likes to scream
Veronica took one For the team
She took two for the team
- What?! - That girl was on her back
That girl was big fun
Big fun
We smoked her crack
- That crack was big fun - Big fun
And that's when things Went South
We had a swordfight In her mouth
Dang diggity dang-a-dang Freak!
Dang diggity dang-a-dang Slut!
Dang diggity dang-a-dang Swordfight in her mouth!
I will never shut up again
- Swordfight in her mouth - I will never shut up again!
Swordfight in her mouth
I'm on fire And you're my fuel
You should find a new school
'Cause I'll never Shut up again
Yeah, yeah, oh, oh
- Never shut up again - No, no, no, no!
- Never shut up again - No, no, no, no, no
All hail the queen I'll wear the red
The scrunchie's on my head
You can't run You can't hide
I am a crimson tide
You better mind what you do
Big sister's watching you
Can I get an amen?
Because I will never Shut up again
Veronica? What's wrong?
What happened?
Oh, she cried just like that last night,
when she saw how big I was.
Back to class! All of you, back to class!
Are you okay?
Sort of.
What about you?
No, I'm fine.
Listen…
sorry about the waterworks.
They made you cry
But that will end tonight
You are the only thing
That's right About this broken world
Go on and cry
But when the morning comes
We'll burn it down
And then, we'll build The world again
Our love is God
Are you okay?
I was alone
I was a frozen lake
But then you melted me awake
See, now I'm crying, too
You're not alone
And when the morning comes
When the morning comes
We'll burn away that tear
And raise our city here
Raise our city here
Our love is God
Hello!
Kurt?
Veronica?
I'm sorry about the other night.
I just couldn't decide which of you two hot gentleman
I wanted to be with.
And then, I realized why decide at all?
Wait, what?
Meet me at the cemetery at midnight.
Who?
Me or Ram?
Yes.
What does she want?
Us.
Hell, yeah, punch it in.
We can start and finish wars
We're what killed The dinosaurs
We're the asteroid That's overdue
The dinosaurs choked On the dust
They died Because God said they must
The new world needed room For me and you
I worship you
I'd trade my life for yours
They all will disappear
We'll plant our garden here
Plant our garden here
Our love is God
Whoa!
Are those real?
Yeah, but we're filling it with Ich Lüge bullets.
Ich Lüge?
My granddad scored them in World War II.
They contain a powerful tranquilizer.
The Nazis used them to fake their own suicides
when the Russians invaded Berlin.
We'll use them to knock out Ram and Kurt
long enough to make it look like a suicide pact
complete with a forged suicide note.
"Ram and I died
because we had to hide our gay forbidden love
from a disapproving world."
And when the morning comes
They'll both be Laughing stocks
So, let's go hunt Some jocks!
Hi, Veronica.
So, do we just like whip it out or what?
Take it slow, Ram.
Strip for me.
Oh, okay. Okay.
I got it.
You know, I like the tie.
- Put the tie on. - Okay.
My mom bought it for me.
What about you?
Oh, I was hoping you'd rip my clothes off me, sport.
Okay.
Dude! Matching.
Nice.
Count of three.
One, two…
Three!
Holy crap!
Don't move. I'll get him back!
Ram? You're just unconscious, right, Ram? Ram.
Look. Look, I was only joking
about calling your girlfriend a whore!
Get off the damn fence!
I don't understand!
We can start and finish wars
We're what killed The dinosaurs
We're the asteroid That's overdue
Stop being a dick!
The dinosaurs will turn To dust
What does that mean?
They'll die because We say they must
No, no, no. Wait.
What the fuck have you done?
I worship you
I'd trade my life for yours
We'll make them disappear
We'll plant our garden here
Our love is God
- Our love is God! - Our love is God
Our love is God!
Hmm. What is that I smell in the air?
Is that… is that tolerance?
Inclusion?
Love?
How often can you say it's a good day to live in Sherwood, Ohio?
You're welcome, town!
You don't have to be so smug about it.
Well, your love keeps me humble.
So…
who's next?
- Heather Duke? - What?
Well, she started that rumor about you.
We can underline some meaningful passages
in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.
No!
Three people are dead. This ends right here.
- Or what? - Or I'm breaking up with you.
Well, any war has casualties.
Doesn't mean it's not worth fighting.
What? You wanna get a free pass to the cannibals?
To the assholes who make this world so unbearable
you can't stand to go on living.
JD, I…
how did your mother die?
You really wanna know?
I do.
He says it was an accident.
But she knew what she was doing. I was nine.
My dad got hired to blow up this condemned library in Texas.
Norwegian in the boiler room, the usual.
This day,
this day my mom drives out to the demolition site
with me in the backseat.
She gets out of the car, and walks in to the building
two minutes before my dad blows it up.
She waves at me from the window,
and then…
kaboom.
She left me.
- I am really sorry. - It's okay.
It's okay.
The pain gives me clarity.
You know, you and I are special and we have a lot of work to do.
No. What work?
Making the world a decent place for people who are decent.
When does it end?
- When every asshole is dead! - No!
Fine, we're damaged
Really damaged
But that does not Make us wise
We're not special We're not different
We don't choose Who lives or dies
Let's be normal
See bad movies
Sneak a beer and watch TV
We'll bake brownies Or go bowling
Don't you want A life with me?
Can't we be 17?
That's all I want to do
If you could let me in
I could be good with you
People will hurt us
Or they vanish
And you're right That really blows
But we let go
Take a deep breath
And go buy Some summer clothes
We'll go camping
Play some poker
And we'll eat Some chili fries
Maybe prom night?
Maybe dancing?
Don't stop looking In my eyes
Your eyes
Can't we be 17?
Is that so hard to do?
If you could let me in
I could be good with you
Let us be 17
If we've still got the right
So, what's it gonna be?
I wanna be with you
- I wanna be with you - Wanna be with you
Tonight
Yeah, we're damaged
Badly damaged
But your love's Too good to lose
Hold me tighter
Even closer
I'll stay If I'm what you choose
Can't we be 17?
If I am what you choose
If we've still got the right
'Cause you're the one I choose
You're the one I choose
You're the one
I choose
And they lived happily ever after.
You really believe all that?
You think it all just goes back to normal?
Oh, don't give me that wounded look.
You know exactly what he is, and you love it!
Just stop talking.
Only a true dead best friend will give it to you straight.
Veronica, the special assembly starts in ten minutes.
- Why aren't you back stage? - I'm sorry.
We are saving lives here.
I wouldn't trust her to save coupons.
Come on, kids. Pedal to the metal.
Show a little hustle.
Where's the banner?
Denise!
Tell the news crews they can set up the cameras,
there, there, and there.
Okay. Let's review your hand choreography.
Precision is key.
I'm kinda looking forward to being on TV.
Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?
No, I had oatmeal.
Veronica, can I talk to you in private?
Something doesn't add up.
I think Ram and Kurt were murdered.
Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw!
Nancy Drew is onto you, Veronica.
Why would you say that?
- They found a suicide note! - It could have been faked.
I mean, you forged stuff all the time, right?
I'm in love with this fat girl.
Who would wanna kill Ram and Kurt?
I'm thinking your friend, JD.
Remember the way he went after them in the lunchroom.
Right, right. That's like motive and shit.
Veronica's going to lady prison.
I wanna look in JD's locker.
I thought, maybe, you could get me the combination.
I bet there's all kinds of interesting things in that locker.
Maybe some Ich Lüge bullets.
Martha, this is a pretty wild theory.
I don't care what they said at the funeral.
Ram was not gay.
- Shut up, Kurt. - He kissed me, remember?
- On the kickball field. - Yeah, in kindergarten.
- Oh, gross, I remember that. - Shut up, Kurt.
My heart knows the truth.
- You should totally get up in that. - Shut up.
Why would Ram write me that note if he didn't still feel something.
- She ain't afraid of no ghost. - Oh.
Why would he invite me to his homecoming party?
You wanna stop her, you know what to say.
I'm gonna confront JD.
You floor me, Martha.
You really do.
What do you mean?
Ram didn't write that note,
I did.
- No. - Yeah.
The Heathers put me up to it.
The whole school was in on the joke,
and nobody laughed harder than Ram.
He didn't love you. He was a dick.
He's dead. Move on.
Shit.
I had to hurt her.
You understand that, right?
If JD ever found her snooping around his stuff, he'd…
Kill her?
- That what's you're afraid of? - Well, I…
Well, I.
That's what I thought.
Come on, assholes.
Oh, shit.
Dear diary,
what am I doing?
I'm sorry, I can't be in this assembly.
What?
No. No. No, no, no.
You're my second soprano.
When you're not in position,
it will unbalance the stage picture.
I'm having a bad day emotionally.
- Veronica said that… - Oh, you're sad.
I get that,
but remember how much your support means to your classmates
who worked hard to get this very important message
out to the world.
And if that doesn't put a smile on your face,
remember how participation in this assembly
counts the one-third on your grade.
Feeling better? Good talk.
Okay. Places. Microphone, Jason.
Thank you so much.
Okay, big smiles, everybody.
Lights, please.
Hello, Westerberg!
Welcome.
Welcome to our special assembly.
Now, I want you to ignore the television cameras
and the news crew.
They're just here to document this very significant moment.
Whether to kill yourself or not,
is one of the most important decisions
a teenager can make.
So, you know what I'm gonna do, right now?
Kill yourself on stage?
That's not productive, Dwight.
My senior thesis at Berkeley…
Whatever.
…was on the subject
of Pediatric Psychotherapeutic Musicology.
- Woo! - Hmm, I know.
So, I speak with some authority.
When I tell you that the way to eliminate suicide
is by first eliminating fear
by creating a safe zone
in which we are all equal.
Deep inside of everyone There's a hot ball of shame
Guilt, regret, anxiety
Fears we dare not name
But if we show the ugly parts That we hide away
They turn out To be beautiful
By the light of day
- Why not - Shine, shine, shine a light
On your deepest fear
Let in sunlight now
And your pain will disappear
Shine, shine, shine
And your scars And your flaws
Will look lovely Because you shine
You shine a light
Shine, shine, shine a light
Every day's a battlefield
When pride's on the line
I attack your weaknesses
And pray you don't see mine
But if I share my ugly parts
And you show me yours
Our love can knock Our walls down
And unlock all our doors
Shine, shine, shine a light
On your deepest fears
Let it sunlight now
And your pain Will disappear!
Who wants to share what's in their heart?
No volunteers? Fine, I'll start
My name's Pauline I live alone
My husband left My kids are grown
In the '60s, love was free
That did not work out Well for me
The revolution came and went
Tried to change the world Barely made a dent
I have struggled With despair
I've joined a cult, Chopped off my hair
I chant, I pray But God's not there
So, Steve I'm ending our affair
Hello, Steve.
Oh, Steve, my sweet, sweet, sweet Steve.
Would you stand up for me so I can really see you?
Everybody say, "Hello, Steve."
Hello, Steve.
That's right. This is a very free space.
Oh, honey, I wanna thank you
for all those magical times we had.
But no, honey, I think it's time we go our separate ways.
But I've got one last thing I have to say to you.
You're gonna wanna sit down for this, sweetie. It's gonna get real.
Steve,
I…
faked it.
Yeah.
Every single time.
Yeah.
Whoa, that felt fan-freaking-tastic!
One, two, take me home, kids!
Shine, shine, shine a light
And your pain will disappear
Let in sunlight now
And your pain will disappear
Shine, shine, shine
And your scars And your flaws
Will look lovely Because you shine
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh - You shine
- You shine a light - Shine, shine, shine a light
Shine, shine, shine a light
Shine a light, yeah!
Yeah!
Oh, yeah.
Um, come on, kids.
That worked with me.
I want you to grab hold of your fear
and drag it out into the light where everyone can look at it.
Anyone?
Anyone at all?
I thought about killing myself.
Heather McNamara?
- Share that pain. - Heather, don't do this.
Not here. Let's go, Heather. Talk to…
Veronica, just so you know, no one gave you permission to speak.
You're in a safe place, Heather.
It's just you and me
and the classmates who love you.
Share.
It's gonna be okay.
The guy I used to date…
killed himself because he was gay for his linebacker.
And my best friend seemed to have it all together but…
she's gone too.
Now, my stomach's hurting worse and worse,
and every morning on the bus I feel my heart beating louder and faster
and I'm like, "Jesus, I'm on the freaking bus again
because all my rides to school are dead."
I float in a boat
On a raging black ocean
Low in the water And nowhere to go
The tiniest lifeboat
With people I know
Cold, clammy, and crowded
The people smell desperate
We'll sink any minute
So someone must go
The tiniest lifeboat
With people I know
Everyone's pushing
Everyone's fighting
Storms are approaching
There's nowhere to hide
If I say the wrong thing
Or I wear the wrong outfit
They'll throw me Right over the side
I'm hugging my knees
And the captain is pointing
Well, who made her captain?
Still, the weakest must go
The tiniest lifeboat
Full of people I know
The tiniest lifeboat
Full of people I know
What's your damage, Heather?
Are you saying Westerburg is not a nice place?
- Heather. - Where's your school spirit?
You don't deserve to wear Westerburg colors.
Why don't you hop into that little lifeboat of yours
and get your gnarly wave over to Remington?
Heather, shut your cakehole.
All right, knock it off. Come one people, settle down.
Oh, look Heather's gonna cry.
God, what a baby.
That's it. Young lady, you are suspended.
Oh, turn the cameras off. Turn them off, God damn it.
Is that all you care about?
TV cameras?
I care about saving lives.
Heather, you ruined a valuable teaching…
Valuable?
None of us wanted the spectacle.
To be experimented on like guinea pigs.
Patronized like bunny rabbits.
I don't patronize bunny rabbits.
This is their big secret.
The adults are powerless.
Heather trusted you.
You said you'd protect her.
They can't help us. Nobody can help us.
- You're useless. - We're alone in the ocean.
You're all idiots.
Heather Chandler was a monster
just like Kurt and Ram.
They didn't kill themselves.
I killed them.
God, some people will say anything
if they think it'll make them popular.
You're worse than McNamara.
No, wait, Heather. No.
Oh, stupid child-proof caps.
Oh, look, Heather's going to…
Whine, whine, whine All night
You don't deserve to live
Why not kill yourself?
Here, have a sedative
Whine, whine, whine
Like there's no Santa Claus
You're pathetic Because you whine
- You whine all night - Whine
Your ass is off the team
Deep down we've always known
- Whine - You don't deserve the dream
- Whine - You're gonna die alone
Die alone, die alone
Heather, no.
Suicide is a private thing.
Throwing your life away so USA Today
can print your picture under the headline "Troubled teens."
That is the least private thing I can think of.
But what about Heather and Kurt and Ram?
If everyone jumped off a bridge, young lady, would you?
- Probably. - Oh.
Well, if you were happy all the time,
you wouldn't be a human being.
You'd be a game show host.
Thanks for coming after me.
You're welcome.
Come on.
So I'm guessing you're mad, huh.
I'm not mad.
Confused.
You said, you wanted us to be normal teenagers.
I did that.
- I joined the goddamn AV Club for you. - I know.
You know what would have happened
if they'd actually believed your confession?
Handcuffs,
separate cells,
cops trying to turn us against each other
right before they ship us off to different prisons.
- Is that what you want? - Of course not.
Well, what then?
Everybody's cashing in on these fake suicides,
making it about themselves.
It's a sick trend and we started it.
Turning ourselves in won't stop human nature.
Then what will?
Fleming's little Kumbaya party
almost ended with Heather Mac dead on a bathroom floor.
Fleming is not the problem. Heather Duke is.
She's the one who made McNamara wanna die.
You wanna slay the dragon?
- Cut off its head. - Stop.
But no. You'd rather treat bubonic plague with Band-Aids.
We had the power to change things,
but we gave that up to be normal teenagers.
Good luck at school tomorrow, Heather Mac.
- Hope you don't die! - We are out if you get…
Look, if you wanna keep it all up, I'll let you slide in a fraction, fine.
You, you made me a promise and I believed you.
Do you even… Stop talking over me!
You promised.
All right. I'm sorry.
Stop playing, grab ads.
Wait for me in the car.
- I'm in the middle of something. - Yeah, I need backup.
Our friends have another job for us.
Kaboom.
I said I'm busy!
Lot of pretty women out there, sport.
I could make another son any time I want.
Now, get in the car.
Damn it, Jason.
No firearms in the house!
Well, it pissed off my dad. It's funny.
None of this is funny.
Why are you carrying a loaded weapon?
- Protection. - From what?
Reruns?
We have got to stop pretending.
This is who I am.
If you don't like it, take it up with him!
He made me!
Oh, Martha was right about you.
Now let's have a real conversation.
She was right.
And I broke her heart.
Let's talk about Heather Duke.
No.
Let's talk about you.
You are a drug
You are a poison pill
I've got to kick This habit now
Or else I never will
I love the rush
When you would hold me close
But you will not Be satisfied
Until I overdose
This is it
Hit the brake
I am finally awake
Let me be
Let me go
You need help
I can't provide
I am not qualified
This troubled teen Is getting clean
I say no
Come on, Veronica, who else is…
No, no, no, no.
Don't say a word
You speak and I cave in
You'll twist the truth again
And drill deep down Beneath my skin
You said you'd change
And I believed in you
But you're still using me
To justify the harm you do
This is it
Hit the brake
Call it all my mistake
Long as you let me go
You need help
I can't provide
I'm not Bonnie You're not Clyde
It's not too late I'm getting straight
I say no
Blame your childhood
Blame your dad
Blame the life you never had
But hurting people That's your choice, my friend
'Cause I believe That love will win
And hate will earn you Nothing in the end
This is the end…
But I love you.
Dude.
This is it
I won't cry starting now
I will try to pay back
All the karma I owe
Start again, somewhere new
Far from cool guys like you
So goodbye 'cause now I
I say no
Just in time, I say no
Somehow I'm saying no
Just say no
I say no
No!
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Girls ready for the big game
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Let's get psyched!
Hey, yo, Westerburg
Tell me what's that sound?
Here comes Westerburg
Comin' to put you In the ground!
Go, go, Westerburg
Give a great big yell
Westerburg Will knock you out
And send you Straight to hell!
I now know thee, thou clear spirit.
That's from Moby Dick.
I appreciate a well-read woman.
What's in the envelope?
Oh, shit.
And just a reminder that at one time around age six, I'm guessing,
you and Martha Dunnstock were friends.
Where did you get these?
Did Veronica give them to you?
What do you want?
Money?
A favor.
No way.
Well, I love this one of you and Martha
in the bathtub together.
These photos are ancient history.
Nobody cares about the past.
Nobody cares about Martha Dumptruck.
There was a boy I met in kindergarten
He was sweet He said that I was smart
He was good at sports And people liked him
And at nap time Once we shared a mat
I didn't sleep
I sat And watched him breathing
Watched him dream For nearly half an hour
Then, he woke up
He pulled a scab off One time playing kickball
Kissed me quick Then pressed it in my hand
I took that scab And put it in a locket
All year long I wore it near my heart
He didn't care If I was thin or pretty
And he was mine Until we hit first grade
Then, he woke up
Last night I dreamed a horse with wings
Flew down into my homeroom
On its back there he sat
And he held out his arms
So we sailed above the gym
Across the faculty Parking lot
My kindergarten boyfriend
And I
And a horse with wings
Now we're all grown up And we know better
Now we recognize The way things are
Certain boys Are just for kindergarten
Certain girls Are meant to be alone
But I believe That any dream worth having
Is a dream That should not have to end
So I'll build A dream that I can live in
And this time I'm never waking up
And we'll soar Above the trees
Over cars and croquet lawns
Past the church and the lake
And the tri-county mall
We will fly through the dawn
To a new kindergarten
Where nap time
Is centuries long
Martha wasn't in her room today.
Well, did you try calling her house?
Yeah. It just goes straight to her answering machine.
- Where the hell could she be? - Hey, guys.
Missed you off at third period.
Oh, we were avoiding you because you're a terrible person.
Fine.
Skip the foreplay.
- Sign this. - What is it?
It's a petition to have MTV throw a spring break blowout
to help raise suicide awareness.
I got everybody to sign it.
People love me.
I'm gonna make an inspirational speech about it
at the pep rally tonight.
Oh, count me out.
Don't pop a tampon, Veronica.
It was your boyfriend's idea.
Hmm, the plot thickens.
JD?
He made up the signature sheet and everything.
Did you hurt your finger, Veronica?
Because I noticed you still haven't dialed the cops.
Look, I don't know what JD is up to,
but if you know what's good for you,
throw that clipboard away.
Not a chance.
This is very important work we're doing.
I mean, now, Martha Dumptruck.
Where does it end?
What about Martha?
They haven't announced it yet.
But I hear last night,
she did a belly flop off the Mill Creek Bridge
holding a suicide note.
Oh, my God.
I wonder what was upsetting her!
Is she alive?
Just some broken bones.
Yet another geek trying to imitate the popular people
and failing miserably.
Yo, girl
Keep it together
I knew you would come far
Now you're truly a Heather
Smell how gangsta you are
Martha, I'm so sorry!
Yo, girl
Feel a bit punchy?
What's that Fruit stone you sell?
Now, you've earned That red scrunchie
Come join Heather in hell!
- Where have you been? - Oh, we've been worried sick!
Your friend JD stopped by.
- He told us everything. - Everything?
Your depression. Your thoughts of suicide.
He even showed us your copy of Moby Dick.
This is not my handwriting.
I've been on the phone all morning.
He's one step ahead of everybody.
There's a doctor in Cleveland.
Your parents, the police.
We'd like you to talk with him.
He's thought of everything, Veronica.
- What kind of doctor? - Psychiatric.
- Leonard! - What?
Guess who's Right down the block
You're being manipulated!
Guess who's Climbing the stairs
There's no shame in getting help.
Guess who's picking the lock
I am not the problem.
Time's up!
Go say your prayers!
Veronica's running on Running on fumes now
Veronica's totally fried
Veronica's gotta be Tripping on shrooms now
Thinking that she can hide
Veronica's done for There's no doubt now
Notify next of kin!
Veronica's trying To keep him out now
Too late! He got in!
Knock! Knock!
Sorry for coming in through the window!
Dreadful etiquette, I know!
Get out of my house!
Hiding in the closet.
Come on, unlock the door.
I'll scream.
My parents will call the police.
All is forgiven, baby.
Come on and get dressed.
You're my date to the pep rally tonight.
What? Why?
Our classmates thought they were signing a petition.
You got to come out here and see what they really signed.
You chucked me out Like I was trash
For that you should be dead
But! But! But!
Then it hit me like a flash
What if high school Went away instead?
Those assholes are the key!
They're keeping you Away from me!
They made you blind Messed up your mind
But I can set you free!
You left me and I fell apart
I punched the wall and cried
Bam! Bam! Bam!
Then I found you changed My heart
And set loose all this Truthful shit inside!
And so I built a bomb
Tonight our school Is Vietnam
Let's guarantee they'll Never see their senior prom!
I was meant to be yours
We were meant to be one
Don't give up on me now
Finish what we've begun
I was meant to be yours
So when the high school gym Goes boom
With everyone inside
In the rubble of their tomb
We'll plant this note Explaining why they died!
We, the students Of Westerburg High will die
Our burnt bodies may Finally get through to you
Your society churns Out slaves and blanks
No thanks
Signed the Students Of Westerburg High
Goodbye
We'll watch The smoke poor out the doors
Bring marshmallows We'll make s'mores!
We can smile and cuddle While the fire roars!
I was meant to be yours
We were meant to be one
I can't make it alone
Finish what we've begun
You were meant to be mine
I am all that you need
You carved open my heart
Can't just leave me to bleed
Veronica, open the… Open the door, please
Veronica, open the door
Veronica, can we not fight Anymore, please?
Can we not fight anymore?
Veronica, sure, you're scared I've been there
I can set you free!
Veronica, don't make me Come in there!
I'm gonna count to three!
One! Two! Fuck it!
Veronica.
Oh, God.
No.
Please don't leave me alone
You were all I could trust
I can't do this alone
Still I will if I must!
Veronica, I made you a snack.
Veronica.
No, no. I'm fine. I'm fine. It was just a joke. A joke.
It's not funny.
- I love you, Mom. - Huh?
What's with all the screaming?
It was Veronica. I found her in the…
Veronica? Where did she go? Veronica?
What? What?
I wanted someone strong Who could protect me
I let his anger fester And infect me
His solution is a lie
No one here deserves To die except for me
And the monster I created
Yeah!
Heads up, JD I'm a dead girl walking!
Hey, yo, Westerburg!
Can't hide from me I'm a dead girl walkin'!
Hey, yo, Westerburg!
And there's your final bell
It's one more dance And then farewell
Cheek to cheek in hell
With a dead girl walkin'!
Yo, Rottweilers!
Here we go Here we go now!
Veronica, Jason Dean told us you just committed suicide!
He's wrong about a lot of things.
Well, I threw together a lovely tribute,
especially given the short notice.
Ms. Fleming, what's under the gym?
- The boiler room. - That's it!
Veronica, what's going on?
Got no time to talk
- I'm a dead girl walkin'! - Hey, yo, Westerburg!
Hey, yo, Westerburg!
Tell me what's that sound?
Here comes Westerburg
Comin' to put you In the ground!
Go, go, Westerburg!
Give a great big yell!
Westerburg Will knock you out
And send you Straight to hell!
A Norwegian in the boiler room?
- Just like your dad. - Huh?
And here I thought you'd lost your taste for faking suicides.
Step away from the bomb.
What? This little thing?
I can hardly call that a bomb.
No. This is to trigger the packs, the thermals upstairs in the gym.
Now, those are bombs.
People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say,
"Now there is a school that self-destructed
not because society didn't care, but because that school was society."
You know the only place at Heathers and Marthas
can truly get along is in Heaven!
I wish your mom Had been a little stronger
Don't talk about my mom!
I wish she stayed Around a little longer
Stop!
I wish your dad were good!
And I wish Grown-ups understood!
I wish we met before
They convinced your life Is war!
I wish you'd come with me
I wish I had more TNT!
Hey, yo, Westerburg!
Tell me what's that sound?
Here comes Westerburg
Comin' to put you In the ground!
Go, go, Westerburg!
Give a great big yell!
Westerburg Will knock you out
And send you straight to…
Was it good for you?
Kind of sucked for me.
It's over, JD.
Which wire do I pull?
Which wire?
Everybody get out.
There's a bomb! We got to evacuate.
Hello?
Can anybody hear me?
I don't know how much time we've got left.
Move the trigger bomb far enough away.
It can set out the thermals, right?
Right?
Dear Diary,
I still believe there's good in everyone…
even the worst of us.
I believe we're all worth saving
and I guess that's the belief I'm willing to die for.
You'll never make it in time,
not on that ankle.
How much further?
You know, the football field should do it.
Here, let me take it the rest of the way.
No. It's a trick.
You flatter me.
But no.
Look at me, I'm done for.
And I'm not gonna let you die like my mom.
I am damaged.
But you're different.
You are the one we ought to spare.
God knows why you wanna save them…
but you beat me fair and square.
Please stand back now.
A little further.
Don't know What this thing will do
Hope you'll miss me
Wish you kiss me
Then you'd know I worship you
- I'll trade my life for yours - Oh, my God
- And once I disappear - Wait, hold on
- Clean up all mess down here - Not this way
Our love is God
Our love is God!
Say hi to God!
Whoa, they're saying a gas line exploded.
Hey, where have you been?
Fleming told us you've killed yourself.
You look like hell.
Yeah. Well, I just got back.
Hey, what are you doing?
Listen up, folks
War is over
Brand new sheriffs Come to town
We are done with acting evil
We will lay our weapons down
We're all damaged
We're all frightened
We're all freaks But that's all right
We'll endure it We'll survive it
Martha Are you free tonight?
What?
My date for the pep rally kind of blew… me off.
I was wondering if you weren't doing anything tonight,
you might wanna pop some Jiffy Pop,
rent some new releases,
something with a happy ending?
Are there any happy endings?
I can't promise No more Heathers
High school may not ever end
Still, I miss you
I'd be honored If you'd let me be your friend
My friend
We can be 17
We can learn how to chill
If no one loves me now
Someday somebody will
We can be 17
Help us to make things right
We want a better world
So why not start tonight!
Let's go be 17
Take off our shoes and dance
Act like we're all Still kids
'Cause this could be Our final chance!
Always be 17
Celebrate you and I
Maybe we won't grow old
And maybe Then we'll never die
We'll make it beautiful
Beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful!
Give it up for the Heathers band.
One, two, one, two, three, four.
We'll make it beautiful
Beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful!
Beautiful! Beautiful!
Beautiful!