Excuse me? Excuse me? Is the train late?
- Hi, I'm here for a temp job. - Mr. Mahoney is in the hallway.
- Excuse me? Are you Mr. Mahoney? - Yeah.
Hi, I'm Janice, the temp.. From 'Permanent Temps.'
- Yeah, I'm sorry I'm late. The train was..uh... - What size jacket then?
- Ahhh... Small? - Small says the late girl.
You could put that on.
Okay... See this door? The lock is broken. Won't stay locked.
Not that it matters, there's nothing inside but an empty closet. ... See that?
Yeah.
Empty. But maintenance can't fix it until tomorrow. So I need you to stand here.
Now if anybody comes down here, anybody gets lost, starts wondering around,
- I need you to make sure they don't open this door. - Okay.
- Like a goalie. You block 'em. Got it? - Yeah.
- That jacket is way too big. - I know. - Way too big.
If you'd gotten here on time, I could've gotten you a small. The smalls are the first to go.
- I apologize. - Ahh, doesn't matter.
No one's gonna come down here anyway.
Get to work!
Hi, one ticket please.
- Hello? - You're late.
- For what? - Tim?! We said no stilts inside.
- Late for what? - For my work party.
- You didn't say anything about a work party. - Uh, yeah, I did.
- Do I have to go? - Yes.
Shit.
I know what they told you, you must be in a suit, see? What did I say? Can you at least take the hat off?
Oh hey. .. Hi.
- Blew my bonus already. - Really? Again?
S-Class 500, black, leather, Fully loaded.
That's great. Beautiful car.
- Can I Get a whiskey neat, please? - Look who dressed up for the party.
- So I got a new plasma. - Bitchin'. - Yeah. Fifty-incher, Full HD, surround, everything.
- You watch porn on it? - Oh, dude, I was watching this one...
- This bitch is wearing this little thong, and the zits on her ass are like this big. In High Def? So raunchy. - Nice!
- Hey man, there's a lady right here, so? - {snort} OK, buddy.
- So it's 50 inches, how much that cost you? - Like three grand. - Well that's Not bad...
- You're kidding, right? - Excuse me? - Three thousand dollars for a TV? Ever heard of books?
- No, we didn't have those at Harvard. - Tim, can I talk to you for a sec?
- Pauline, who is this guy? - He.. Um.. He's just kidding. Sorry.
- No, I'm not. No, I'm not kidding. - He's kidding. Tim.
- What's on your neck anyway? Is that makeup? - Yeah, it's makeup, it's silver makeup.
- {chuckle} The dude's wearing makeup. - Bye bye.
We need to have a talk, Janice.
- About what? - To be frank, I don't think this is working out too well.
- What do you mean? - We get a lot of complaints about you.
- What kind of complaints? - Just complaints, people not happy.
Do you want me to read you some? Let's see here...
Uh... okay... "She seems distracted and disinterested".
"Her heart's not in it and her head's in the clouds."
"Sometimes she reminds me of a speak and spell." Do you have any idea what that means?
It does not matter. The point is we pride ourselves here on a reputation for smart, reliable, hardworking temps, okay?
- I'm reliable, George. - Just hang on, let me finish.
You are reliable. yes, and, you're a nice person, but, you're not personable.
- What d'ya mean? - What do I mean... Um...
- Have you ever seen "Three's Company"? - The TV show?
Yeah. You know Janet, the roommate? She is an example of what I'm talking about.
She has a lot of charisma. I mean, people want to see her again and again and again.
That's why the show lasted so long. I mean, I watched her every night.
So what you're saying, is that you want me to be more like Janet from "Three's Company"?
I mean I am saying that, but I'm not really saying that. Because what I'm really saying is, you know, you're fired.
That's what I'm actually saying. You're fired.
Okay.
Hi, I'm calling about the job listing in the paper today. Oh, Really?
Okay. Thank you.
- Hey, Janice. Got a second? - Sure, Craig.
- Okay, um. How Do I Say This. The rent is due on the first. - I know.
Really? Because your rent usually arrives in my box around the 20th, and that won't work.
- I know, I'm sorry, Craig. I'm trying. - Look, times are tough, I get it, okay ..
.. but there are certain facts of life we all have to live by 'em.
Why is the rent due on the first day of the month? Beats me, it just worked out that way, you know?
Someone, uh, invented months and then someone invented rent.
And then someone decided that rent is due on the first day of the month.
- I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. - No, it's um, I understand, um, I'll figured it out.
- Thank you. - Okay
Where.
Hi. Hi, I'm Hal Baker, I, ahh, have this segment on nine news called "Man on the Street".
Anyway, um, I'm wondering if you be interested in being interviewed?
Hello? Oh, right, you gotta, okay... Give him some money.
Alright. Interested?
Okay, uh, here, give me a call. Thanks.
Hey. I got some good news. Okay, listen to this,
Today this guy, I'm downtown .. slow day .. That's not important ..
The point is I'm gonna be on TV.
Did you hear me? I'm gonna be on a TV show, I'm gonna be... on a TV show.
- I thought you hated TV. - Yeah, I do, not this kind though.
- What kind? - This is educational, it's on the news.
- Oh. Okay. - Wow.
Try to contain your enthusiasm, Pauline.
- What's up, Mark? - Tim, you're all silver. Ha.
Ahh... I'll be right there. {sigh}
What's your brother doing here?
I'm leaving you, Tim.
- Your... Wait, what? Are you coming back? - No.
You're leaving? Where's your suitcase?
- I don't need a suitcase. This isn't a movie. - I don't understand.
I'm sick of it, Tim, I'm sick of the robot.
- I'm sick of the struggle. - This again. The struggle's a part of the art, Pauline.
- Van Gogh never sold a painting. - Tim, you're not Van Gogh, okay?
Okay. Well... I'm not saying I'm an artist, but people have called me an artist.
You know what? I do need a suitcase.
If it looks like a duck and it acts like a duck, then it's a duck.
- What's a duck? - I'm a duck. - What are you talking about?
If it's quacks, and has web feet and feathers then it's a duck, babe.
- What are you talking about? - I'm talking about me. - But I'm not, see? I am talking about us.
I am talking about leaving you and you're talking about ducks.
- Because I thought you believed in me. - I never believed in you, Tim. I just thought it was charming.
I'll be in the car.
- Hey guy ... {sigh} - What the hell's goin' on out there?
Can I give you some advice, man to man, Do you mind? Cause, I really like you.
But you know what I see when I looked at you? You're thirty-somethin', you're poor,
my sister's leaving you, you got no real future to speak of,
And you know why that is? Look, I'll tell you why that is.
Because, people weren't meant to live like this.
Painted up like a metal guy.
There's a reason the entire population gets up in the morning and clogs the freeways, because they gotta go to work.
That's a part of life and always has been. You know? You're a farmer.
I mean, whether you like it or not, you're a farmer and you have got to plow the fields.
- What fields? - You know what I'm saying.
{sigh} You think I wanna sit behind a desk, in a little room and push a pencil around the paper all day?
Hell no! But I do it. Why?
{snort} You know that song by The Little River Band, 'Have you heard about the lonesome loser"?
- Great song. - Well, Tim, if you're not careful, you're gonna end up like the guy in that song.
You're a farmer. Plow the fields.
- Hello? - Where are you, Janice? - Oh, hey Jill. - Are you coming over? Oh... Hold on, hold on.
I know. We ran out of dip.
- Janice? - Yeah. - Did you hear me? I said we ran out of dip.
- I didn't know you were talking to me. - Huh? - I said I didn't know you were talking to me!
- What does that mean? - I thought you were talking to someone at the party.
- I'm talking to you, I called you, Janice. - No, I know, but... - Aah, Jesus Christ, Janice. Are you even listening?
We ran out of dip. For the chips. We have no more dip!
- Okay, I'm sorry. - Don't be sorry, Just, bring some more dip.
- I'll pay you back, don't worry, you're coming, right? Janice? - Yeah, I'm coming!
Okay great, just bring some more dip, and I'll...
- Why'd you ring the door bell? - I don't know.
So weird. Just walk in.
- Bring the dip? - Yup. - Hey, Janice.
- Honey, you've gotta come hear Larry's wisdom tooth story. - Okay, we'll be there in a minute. - Hey, Brian.
- I want you to meet someone. - What? No, no, I don't, I don't want to .. - Oh, come here.
- I wasn't planning to stay, yeah, because I'm not feeling right. - You're fine. - No, I really... - There he is.
- Steps, you gotta follow 'em. - All right, let's go. - No, I'm not feeling good...
- Yes. Just take off your jacket. - Stop it!
- Doug. - Hey... - this is my sister I was telling you about.
- Ohhh. Hey, Jill's sister. - Alright, you two have fun.
- Hey, I'm Doug Duncan. - Hi, I'm Janice. - Hey, Janice. - Hi.
- That's a really pretty sweater that you have on. - Oh. - Is that wool?
- Uh, I don't know. - Hmm, it feels like wool.
- Is it itchy? - Uh, not really. - I once had a wool sweater, it was really itchy.
I almost wore it when I was flying to London, first class, for a book signing.
- I'm an author. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, well, I guess they fly you first class to these things, I don't know...
But I'm lucky I didn't wear the sweater because when I got there I had to go right from the airport
to a live interview at the BBC. So...
- The British Broadcasting Company. - Right.
- Anyway, uh, what do you do? - Um .. I don't really know how to answer that.
Corporation, sorry. British Broadcasting Corporation. I always do that.
Uhh, but it was tough, you know, it was like three hours, and if had I worn the wool sweater. I'd be like, you know, itchy much.
But it's serious, you can't be itchy on camera. It's like a big no-no.
So, um. Do you have any hobbies? One of my hobbies is helping kids?
Blind kids, build a church?
Residents on the south side are finding themselves knee deep in sewage
after a pipe broke near the corner of Washington Boulevard and Main Street.
City officials have shut down Washington in order to fix the problem.
And we're told, construction could keep the road closed through the New Year.
Boy, that's gonna make it rough on some of our commuters. But let's take this over to Hal Baker, our man on the street.
- Who actually isn't on the street today. He's in the studio. Hal? - That's right, John. Thank you.
So some of you may have seen my next guest out on the street some afternoon and wondered "Who the heck is that guy?"
Well we're here to find out. His name is Tim Tucker And he's known as the "The Giant Mechanical Man."
- Hi, Tim - Hi. - Hey! That's quite an outfit you got there, huh?
Oh thanks, I, I've been, uh, sort of refining it over the years.
Well, that brings me to my first question. Why'dcha choose to start doing this, uh, robot thing?
Why'd I choose to do it. Uh. This just happens to be my talent.
- Interesting. - And I feel like, um...
Um, and also maybe that people would, you know, brighten people's lives up.
- What'd'ya mean? - I guess, I feel like modern life.. {sigh}.. can be alienating.
And It can be like you're mindlessly walking through it, like a robot.
And, you can feel lost.
I guess I just want people to know that they're not crazy, okay?
Everybody at home, everybody watching the show today, you're not crazy, I mean, life is crazy, right?
Maybe if you see a giant mechanical man, you know, wandering down the street, towards you.
You know, maybe that could put it into perspective, everything. You know?
- You know what would be good for your routine? Break-dancing. - Break-dancing.
Like the wave! Can you do the wave?
- No, I don't do that, I don't do the wave. - You know what I mean, the wave.
- No, Yeah, No, I know what it is, I just don't, I don't do it. - Right. Right. Uh, I used to be able to moonwalk.
Here..., here he goes.
That's not what I'm trying to say. I'm, I'm, I don't do that sort of stuff, the wave, the moonwalk. I'm not that kind of...
Oh you should. It's fun!
Alright dude. Are we done?
- Hello? - Hey, Jill. Uh, listen, I, I need a place to stay for a little while.
- Why? Get evicted or something? - Yeah, I might...
- Might? Where are you calling from? - Um. I found a pay phone.
Uh, I've been trying to call you. What happened to your cell phone?
- It got turned off. - What? How did that happen?
- I'm just...I'm having a hard time right now, Jill. - What's the matter, Janice?
- I just need a place to stay for a while, okay? - Yeah. Okay. That's fine. I mean, you can stay here. We'll come get you tomorrow.
Okay, thanks.
Hey, I saw you on television.
Hey! I saw you on television.
I feel like those people you were talking about.
Like I was just born into this life and I'm supposed to, know what I'm doing.
Like I'm supposed to have it all figured out. But I don't have it all figured out.
I just feel... lost.
Anyway. Thanks.
God, did you guys know that Bianca Jones and Lee Dermot broke up?
Oh God, you know who else is breaking up?
Joe Lorrie and Ashley Seib.
Okay.
I'm gonna get more coffee.
So, we have something for you. A little welcome gift, I guess.
- We think you are really going to like it. - Oh my God, it's like the coolest gift ever.
- What is it? - Well it's something that is one of a kind.
- Totally, totally unique. - Yeah. - Wow, what is it?
- Guess. - What?
- Guess. I mean you will never guess, but just try to guess. - Okay, um, why do you want me to guess...
- Is it a hat? - A hat?
- I don't know. - A hat. It is definitely not a hat.
- Why would you guess that? Why? - I don't know, I, you said to guess, I don't...
No really, I mean, Janice. Please, once, for once in your life just take yourself seriously, all right?
Your life is upside down, it's in shambles, and you guess a hat?
- I'm taking it seriously. - Okay, maybe we should just give it to her.
- Fine. just give it to her. - Close your eyes.
Alright.
It is... this.
- Oh, it's a book. - Yes, Doug Duncan. Remember him from the party?
- Yeah. - I, uh, clean his teeth, Janice.
He wanted us to give it to you. And he even sign it on the inside. Open it!
What does it say?
"Dear Janice, how about we discuss over dinner? Doug Duncan".
- Isn't that awesome? - You should definitely go out with him, Janice. - Absolutely.
I mean this is the answer, you know? He's amazing. He'll teach you how to talk, because sometimes you're not very good at that.
Well, thank you.
- Well, I've got an opening in sanitation. - Sanitation.
Yeah, it's pretty simple. Just sweep out the cages, take out the trash, kid drops his popcorn, you clean it up.
- Does cold weather bother you? - No, I'm used to it.
Good. Oh, the other downside is you gotta clean the toilets too.
It's all cleaning toilets, at this point.
I'm sorry to heard that. Okay then, well, why don't we just get you a uniform, give you a broom, and you'll be on your way.
- Okay. - Well, it's nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
Excuse me?
- Excuse me? - Yeah?
- You work here? - Do I work here?
No, I'm trapped here.
- What? - Miserable human being.
That's what they call this exhibit.
- {laughs} Uh, I'm looking for the employment office. - I'm just looking for my coin.
The employment office, okay, right down there, pass the monkeys on the right. You can't miss it.
Thanks.
Hey...
Okay, Well how about concessions? I mean you're over qualified for the job, but if you're desperate, I can give you that.
- I am desperate. - Okay then.
- Just one. - Hi.
Thank you.
- Hey there. - Hi.
I think I saw you yesterday, I was cleaning out the fountain?
- Oh yeah, they let you out? - Nope. I escaped.
- So, looks like you got the job. - Yup.
- What do you do? - I sell these little plastic gorillas filled with grape juice.
Uh, yup. Yup, I've cleaned up a lot of those.
Hopefully it's just temporary, until I figure out my life.
I get it.
- It's depressing, right? - What do you mean?
I mean, human beings evolved over billions of years...
out of the swamp, we stood up... made fire, built shelter, invented the wheel.
For what? So you can stand in a funny hat and sell grape juice gorillas?
Kinda tryin' not to think about it like that.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry, you're not the only one whose trying to figure out their life.
- "How to have Winning..." - "Winning Conversations".
Winning Conversations? Okay...
- Are we having one right now? - {laughs} My sister gave it to me.
- Any good? - I don't know.
- I guess, I'm having dinner with the author, so I figured I should, you know, read it. - Right.
Alright, well. Got to get back to the grind.
- I'll see you later, Janice. - See you later.
Watch out for the polar bear.
Hi. What's in the gorillas? Some kind of sugar drink?
- It's grape juice. - Oh! You want a grape juice, honey? - I want two grape juice.
- No, just one, how much are they? - Six dollars.
Wow. Alright, just one.
Thanks.
Ok, hold on. You said this was grape juice, lady. It isn't a grape juice.
- It isn't? - No, it's grape drink, I want my money back.
- Can I have it, daddy? - No, you can't, honey. - But I want it! - Too much sugar, I'm sorry.
- Gosh! Indian giver! - Whoa! Where did you hear that?
- Thanks a lot, lady. - I'm.. I'm.. I'm sorry. - Ah-ah-ah-ah I'm sorry...
You need to get a life.
What are you doing in here, Janice? I'm really busy, I'm trying to set up a catering gig downtown.
- Well I could do that, George. - No, damn it, now. Come on, don't do this, Janice.
Don't make me feel guilty. I told you this is not the job for you.
- Please, George, I need to pay my rent. - We all need to pay our rent, Janice.
- We're just.... What is the matter with you? - Nothing.
- Why're you doing that thing with your mouth? - Nothing, George. I just need to pay my rent.
- What the hell, your teeth, Janice. They're falling out of your mouth! - I don't know what's happening to me, George.
Your teeth fall out of your face!
Morning, Janice.
You missed a spot.
- What? - You missed a spot.
- I did? Where? - Oh no, I was just joking.
Huh? What'd I miss?
Oh, no, no. I was just joking. I was just making a joke.
Oh oh oh, I missed a spot. Yeah, yeah. That's funny.
- I don't know, maybe it's not. - No, no, it's hysterical, it's really funny.
- He just poked the monkey! - What?
That guy. How would he like it if someone did that to him?
- I'm gonna find out. Come on. Hey! Hey! - What?
- Don't poke the monkey, man. - Hey, chill out, I'm not hurting him.
- I saw what you did, you poked him. - I did not poke the monkey. Nice hat.
- Yes, you did. How would you like it if someone poked you? - Do you wanna poke me?
- No, no, but I'm gonna poke you, you asshole. - Yeah, bet you'd like that.
- There, how you like it? Huh? You like that? - Go Janice! - You like being poked at?
Like that!? Like that!? Like that!?
- Don't poke the monkey! - Monkey!!!
- You okay? - Yeah.
- He was poking at the babies. - I know, I know, I know. I loved that. There you go. There you go.
Don't poke the fuckin' monkey!
Did you see his face? He was freaked out. I loved when you grab it out of my hand.
He was totally freaked... Don't poke the monkey, don't poke the monkey!
- Do you think we're gonna get fired? - No. - I can't afford to get fired.
- We'll be all right. - We need to rearrange that habitat or it's just gonna happen again. - You should tell her that. - I don't wanna...
Hey. Well, first of all, you guys are a hell of a security team.
- But second .. - Sonia, look, if you gonna fire anyone, fire me, okay?
- I started it. Janice should not be fired. - I'm not gonna fire anybody.
Look, between you and me, I'm glad you guys stuck up for the monkey.
But, in the future, let's just call security, okay?
- Okay? - Okay. - Okay.
I think Janice had a suggestion, though?
Tell her, what? Tell her that thing you were just telling me.
What is it?
Well... It's just that, um... Right now the way the habitat is arranged...
uh, people can get right up to the rail, which is right where the monkeys sleep, and...
If we move the rail back or put in a tree or something to give the monkeys more privacy...
It would just be better, because when people see a sleeping monkey, they can't help but yell at it.
She's right. I mean, some of these people are just wacko. We've gotta protect the animals better.
- Especially the babies. - I... I didn't kn... realize they were so exposed.
- It's wide open. - We're gonna have to fix that, then.
I'll call the habitat coordinator. Thanks, Janice.
You're welcome.
Nice.
Webster's Dictionary defines the word 'conversation' as the oral exchange of ideas,
opinions and observations.
Hi, I'm Doug Duncan, and thank you so much for
allowing me to be your tour guide today through the "conversation-nation."
So hey, are you guys ready to go on your tour or what? {applause} Great!
Thank you. I guess in order to have a meaningful conversation, you gotta have what?
What do you need?
A desire to speak.
But in order to have a desire to speak, you gotta have something to say.
Where do we find these things, huh? Where are these things to say?
Are they in your giant oversize purse, ma'am? I don't think they are.
I'll look.
Um, how about this handsome gentleman, here? What is your name, sir?
- Toby. - Ok, Toby. Would you be willing to be my volunteer
in a little experiment, I'm gonna do today?
- Sure. - Well you say that now, Toby, but just wait... moooohaaa...
Just kidding. Common up here with me, Toby. Now Toby, have you ever been on a date?
- Um, Once or twice. - Okay, and what'd you guys talk about? - Um, just stuff. You know, stuff like that.
"Just stuff. you know, and stuff like that." Wow... sounds fascinating.
But seriously, Toby. That's why you are here today. To learn the art of eloquence.
Now, I want you all to pretend that I'm a beautiful woman.
And me and Toby here are on a date. What do you want to talk about Toby?
- Um... - Come on Toby! - I don't know.
Okay, Toby, why don't you have a seat. Rule number one, people. Stack the deck in your favor.
If you don't know what to talk about, talk about yourself.
"KEEP TALKING. D.D." (Doug signs book)
- How's everything going? - Good. - Good to hear.
- Hellooo... - Hey Doug. - Hey.
- Sorry, these things can just get so nuts. - You, You were great up there. - Oh!... {Doug bows}
- Yeah, you were really good, Doug. - Jill, thank you, I really appreciate that compliment.
- Hey Janice. - Hi Doug.
- Have you, ahh, had a chance to read my book? - Yeah, it's good.
I mean I've only read just a little bit of it, but it's good.
- Oh, well, the dinner offer still stands. - Oh. Okay.
- How about tomorrow night? - Tomorrow night? Um...
- Um... - Yes, yes, yeah she would love to. - Oh, fantastic. Wow! Okay.
You guys can have some "Winning conversations"?
- Well, duty calls. - Oh, Okay. Thank you for the tickets.
You were great.
What we got here? Oh... Toby! I was really impressed with your growth today.
- Aaaaah (singing). Doug is perfect for you. - Perfect.
I mean, look, your life was been on pause for so many years. I just feel like it's time for you to push the play button, you know?
- What is that saying? - Which one? - You know about the two kinds of people.
There are two different kinds of people in the world. There, there are those who, ahhh...
- Something. Something... - They carry... - Never mind.
It's basically, there are two kinds of people in this world. And you don't want to end up with the wrong kind.
- We're just try to help you, Janice. - We're on your team, Janice. - Your team, Janice.
Team that pays their bills.
Hey, Janice! Hey!
- You left your book in the break room. - Oh, thanks.
Didn't get a chance to read it, but I did see the author's picture and he, uh...
- Kinda look like a cheese ball, right? - {laughter} Yeah.
Look, I'm sorry for gettin' all "Charles Darwin" in the arctic castle. That nonsense about the swamp and...
Oh, it wasn't nonsense.
- It kinda was, though. - I don't know, it made sense.
- Did it? - I mean to me it did, cause I have no idea what I'm doing.
I mean, I have no clue.
- No clue what I'm doing. - Neither do I.
But I'm talking about my life, and yeah I don't wanna sell grape juice gorillas.
- Or go out with this cheese head, but I don't know .. - So, then why are you?
- Why am I what? - Why are selling grape juice gorillas?
Because, what else am I gonna do? I need a job.
I get it.
And... I'm...
I'm actually living with my sister right now. And she kinda won't leave me alone.
- Ohhh. "What's your job, Janice?" "What are your interests?" - Exactly.
"What are you doing with your life?" "What's the point of you?" "Why should anybody care about you?"
- Yes, yes, you sound just like my sister. - Just like my girlfriend, actually.
- Right. - Yeah.
- That's funny. - Yeah.
- So, anyway... - People are... weird.
Yeah they are.
- Um. Well uh, I'll see you tomorrow. - Okay, cool. - Okay.
I meant, ex-girlfriend, by the way.
- What? - When I said that, I meant to say ex-girlfriend.
- Oh, yeah, I didn't even... - No-no, that's cool...
- I was just... - Yeah, yeah, yeah...
- Hey, There she is. - Ooooh... Chk! {mouth noise}
- That. - Thank you.
Well I've written books about, you know, lots of different subjects.
You name a topic, I've written about it. Jus' go ahead, pick a topic.
- What do you mean? - Jus go ahead. Pick a topic. Any topic.
- Ummm. - Diet, conversation, health, dreams, - travel... pick a topic .. Health, dreams, travel...
- Dreams. - Okay, dreams. What'd'ya wanna know about dreams?
I don't,... I was just picking a topic.
Dreams are the subconscious mind, telling the conscious mind what it needs.
Tell me about the latest dream you had.
Oh, don't worry, I'm not going to judge you, or anything. Just ah, tell me about the latest dream that you had.
Okay. Well, um, I was at this job interview and my teeth start falling out.
- They what? - In the dream, my teeth are falling out. - Holy shit, that's crazy.
I mean, you must be a crazy person.. just kidding. But seriously, that's pretty messed up.
Ahhhm, you know what, just buy my book on dreams. It'll tell you everything you need to know.
Now what is for dinner.
Ooh, They have a cheesecake.
There is also this box under the bed with some letters, and...
- Here's the box. - Oh! Thanks.
- You missin' a shoe? - Shoe, yup. Thank you.
I think there's some books.
- I also wanted to apologize to you. - For what? You don't have to apologize.
Um, for what I said, about, that I never believed in you.
- Oh, that. - It was harsh, and I'm sorry.
It's okay, I'm.., I'm gonna quit that stuff anyway.
- Nobody really seems to get it. - Tim, you quit, what?
No.
It's a worthless skill. It's not like I'm a piano player or a painter or something.
- It's got no value. I get it. - I was angry when I said all that, Tim.
I don't think it's true.
I know, you're gonna take this thing and it'll evolve into...
I don't know... something bigger, wherever your brain takes it, because you don't see the finish line.
You don't ever put that pressure on yourself, and...
and that's so great about you.
- I'm really sorry. - Wh..Why? What?
Because I let you down. And because I wasn't enough.
Tim, you didn't let me down. Okay?
We just grew in different directions.
But I'd still really like to be your friend.
I say you gotta get in a conversation. Right? You can't just knock on the door, "May I come in?"
You gotta bust right in there! In fact. I can't {snort}, I can't believe I'm gonna tell you this.
I used to be horrible at conversations. What? Me! I know! It's crazy.
But, I just, you know, I could talk about the weather and stupid stuff like that.
But when it came to true emotion, expression of feelings...
The words just get blocked. Right here, in the... neck, area.
Not anymore, now when I want something, bang, instant words.
For instance, um, gosh .. I don't know...
If I wanted to kiss you, I'd just say "Hey, I want to kiss you."
Simple, just like that. I'm not saying it now, we're in a restaurant, and uh, It'd be weird.
Plus I don't wanna seem to be to forward or anything.
But, um, I could easily say it any moment, so, be on the lookout for that.
Let's see what is for dessert, tonight.
I need a whiskey, neat?
I did a podcast, you know? I have twitter.
I did a book on... Ahh, I forgot my jacket, I'll be right back.
- Tim - Janice, hey.
- Hey, what are you doing here? - I'm just getting a drink.
Do you, uh, want to join me?
Threw my jacket into the goddamn bus tote. It's got like a steak sauce stain, or somethin'.
- Uh, Doug, this is my friend Tim. - Ah! What's up, bro? It's a cool hat.
- Thanks, bro.
- Right. - Alright, I'll see you at work tomorrow, right?
- Okay. - Cool.
- Hey Tim. - Hey Janice. How's it goin'?
- Good, how are you? - I'm okay, just takin' a break, watchin' the penguins.
Oh yeah. I love these guys.
- So... - That was weird .. last night. - Yeah.
- That was the guy, right, the author guy? - Yeah, that was him. - Yeah.
- We were just hangin' out. - Yeah, yeah.
We should hang out?
- Who? - You and me.
- Okay. - Yeah, like, soon, like, tomorrow night. You got plans tomorrow night?
-No. - You should go to a party with me. Do you wanna go to a party with me? - Okay, yeah. Sure.
Good.
Oh, look at that guy.
- Hey, sister. - Oh, Hey.
- You should try level seven. - No, this is fine.
Fine, suit yourself.
- What? - I've got good news for you.
- What? - I think you gonna like it. - What, Jill? What? What is the news?
Doug Duncan asked Brian about you today. I guess he liked his date.
- Oh. yeah? - Yep, and he's taking the four of us out to dinner Thursday night. - Oh. - And you're not saying no. I'm not letting you say no.
- What are you doing?, Jill! Jill! - You gotta burn, Janice. Doug Duncan likes it slim.
There she is.
- Happy birthday. - Thank you. - You look beautiful. Hey, this is Janice.
- Janice? - Hi. - Hi, I heard a lot about you.
- Oh, really? Wow. - That is awesome.
- What's up man? - Hello, Tim. - What's up, man? - Good to see you, man. - Good to see you.
- This is my friend. - Hey, what's up? I'm Wesley.
- Hi, I'm Janice. - Hey, I want you, to have these.
You want me to have them? Okay.
I'll take your photograph. It's gonna be funny.
- This man is a great photographer. - Ohhhh, that's beautiful.
- Yeah! Uh, thanks everyone. I'm so glad you all came.
You're the best friends, a person could hope for.
You're like family to me. It's true, I don't care if it sounds cheesy. It's true.
- And um, I also want to thank my wonderful man, Wesley. - Wesley!
He's always so supportive of me and makes me feel loved
um, and it's true, what they say...
It only takes just one person, just, one person...
... to make you feel, special, and valid, and, like you belong in the world.
Okay, Let's have some cake! Cake!
{laughter} - I thought he was talking to you. - No, no, apparently he was talking to you.
- I didn't answer him. - No, but he was standing there, he's very close talker.
Very close.
- Where were you born? Were you born here? - No, I was born in Wyoming, actually.
Wyoming? Wow. I heard good thing about Wyoming. I heard it's beautiful there.
Yeah, I heard that too. I don't really remember, 'cause I was sort of moved away when I was little.
- Sorta moved away? - Yeah, well, I'm adopted, so, I was, adopted, basically.
- Okay, what was that like? - Being adopted? -Yeah.
- Um, it was... weird... because, my little sister, Jill, is not adopted ..
So that was kinda...you know, I mean, it's fine now.
But. Well, when I was seven, I really wanted to grow up and moved away.
And I thought that growing up meant that you lose your baby teeth and you get your big ones. You know, then you're grown up?
And I read in this book that if you tie a piece of string around your tooth
and then you tie the other end to a door knob, you can slam the door and your baby tooth will come out.
- So I tried it. - And what happened? Did your teeth fall out?
mm-mm, the door slammed back into my head and I had to get 3 stitches.
- Oh, shit. - It was a bad idea.
- Let me see it. - Right there. - Okay, I see. - Right here above my eyebrow? Can you see it?
- Ah, yeah, Oh yeah, I get it. - mm-mm. - I like that.
Makes you look tough, looks like you're kickin' ass with those stitches.
Yeah. My dad would tell me to say "Well you should see the door." You know, cause...
Anyway, I don't know, it's a dad joke, right...
Sometimes I have dreams that my, my teeth are falling out.
- Are you serious? - Yeah. - I had that drea--I just had that dream. It freaked me out.
Don't worry. It's not, it's common...People have it all the time, or at least that's what they say.
- Do you know what it means? - Well, your, you know, your teeth are for chewing, or, or biting.
And you know, they're powerful.
And they're falling out, so you feel powerless.
- Mmm. Okay. - Yeah, I have it all the time.
But you know what helps? Apple Pie.
- Really? - It makes you feel really powerful.
- Well we should split one than. - You wanna split a whole pie? - Okay.
- You wanna? - Do you?... - Yeah, absolu-- Excuse me, can we get that whole pie?
Can we take the whole thing? Thank you. That looks tremendous.
- Thanks a lot. - She just gave you a whole pie.
Yeah, let's do it.
Come on in.
- Want a beer? - Sure.
- Oh, I like your place. - Oh, thanks, it's rent controlled.
So, they keep trying to kick me out.
- It's kinda drafty in here. You cold? - No. Uh-uh.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
- Where'd you get it? - I found it.
- It's so small. - I think it looks like me.
- Really? - Mm-mm.
- No. .. you're prettier. - How about now?
- Yup, still prettier. - You think so? - I do.
I think you're just... great.
Because you know what's so great about you? You're real.
You don't pretend like you got it all figured it out.
Like everyone else walking around life. You're real. You're genuine. And... you notice things too.
You pay attention .., like the monkeys.
I dunno, I look at you...
I can see you.
I see you.
I just think you're great.
- Thank you. - I mean it though.
Seriously, I would've quit the zoo a long time ago if you didn't work there. Really.
- Thank you. - Don't thank me, just...
- {loud exhale} Are you dating the "winning conversations" guy or what? - No.
- You're not? - Dating him? No.
Alright, I was just checking, because you never know.
I wanted to ask you, um...
So have you, run into that giant mechanical guy walkin' around?
I want to kiss you.
- What? - I want to kiss you.
Okay.
- That zoo job is the best thing that ever happened to me. - Yeah.
- I always look forward to seeing you. - Me too.
- You know what? - Mm-mm. - We should definitely hang out more.
- {laughter} Yeah. - Yeah? - Yeah. - I'd like that.
- Do you like silent films? - Silent films? I love 'em. - Really? - Yeah.
- Well, they do this silent film program = At the art-house cinema. Yeah. - I've been there.
Would you wanna, maybe, go with me, Friday night?
- Me and you? - Yeah.
And I thought, um, I could ask my sister and her husband if they want to join us.
I already get to meet your sister?
Wow. This is getting serious.
- Oh I was just.. - No no, it's good, that sounds great.
- Okay, we don't have to get serious... - No, serious is good. I like serious.
- You do? - With you, I do.
- Sonia. - Uh, yes, Janice.
- Can I talk to you? - Yeah, sure. What's up?
- I don't like my job. - You don't?
- No, uh, I'm better than selling drinks. - Okay, um, what kind of a job do you want?
Um, Just something where I can think, and make decisions.
- You said I was over-qualified when you hired me. - I did say that, didn't I?
- Did something happen to you? - Yes.
- Yes, a lot happened to me. - I can tell.
- Well, what about assistant habitat coordinator? - I can do that.
Good. Go do it.
Thank you.
- Hang on. Janice? - Oh, Hey, Jill. Guess what? - Hey, we're leaving at six. - We're doing what? - Leave at six for dinner with Doug.
You didn't forget, did you? Anyway, six o'clock.
Hey! No, sorry, it's just my sister.
The most important part. I said don't be vegetation, try conversation.
Oh, absolutely, I get what you're saying, but I'm just saying it's different for guys.
- No it isn't. - Oh Honey, sure it is, I mean, uh, women are just more cautious.
- Well I think it depends on the woman. - Maybe. - Touche.
- Janice, what do you think? - Oh, I wouldn't ask her, she hasn't had that much experience with guys.
- Right Janice? - What? - Are you listening? - Not really.
I was just saying you haven't had many boyfriends.
Excuse me, I'm going to the restroom.
Okay.
Well, hey, there's, uh, there's this great little wine bar just down the street, maybe a nightcap?
- Yeah, that sounds fantastic. - Ehhh, yeah but I'm sure Janice will say no.
- You know what? I think I might be able to convince her. Why don't you guys go ahead.
- Yeah, I'll wait here for her and we'll walk down together. - Great, it's just around the corner.
Great.
- Where'd they go? - You know what?
They had the idea to go down the street for a little nightcap, but if you're not up for it, we can...
- No, that sounds great. - Wow. Okay, yeah, very cool.
- Oof, It's chilly out here, huh? - Yeah, it's fine.
You know I can ... kinda ... yeah ...
Ohh, this weird robot dude, huh?.
Bling blip, flap florp. "Take me to your leader."
Oh, that was nice.
Doug. Doug, please. Stop.
- Ohh. You're not feeling the vibe? - No.
When're you gonna loosen up.
- Hey, Sonia, have you seen Tim? - Tim? No, he didn't come in today.
Oh. That's weird.
- Assistant habitat coordinator. - Oh. Yeah, that's amazing.
- Way to go, Janice. - Thanks. - I wonder what kind of outfit you'll be wearing?
- Pants, probably pants. - Probably. - Probably. Where's your friend?
- He'll be here. - Yeah, because the movie's about to start.
- Are you guys here for the movie? - Yes. - Okay, we're gonna be starting.
- They're gonna be starting. Like now. - Okay, okay.
Well come on!
Come on, Tim.
Maybe I should call Doug?
Doug. Hey, it's Jill.
Doug, yes! Hey man, thanks so much for comin' out, she's really bummed.
- Come on, it's all good. - She's gonna be so happy to see you.
Janice, look who's here. Doug.
What are you...? What is he doing here?
Janice, don't be rude. He came to see you.
- Ouch, Janice. - She's just upset, cause the zoo guy didn't show up...
But she'll be fine. Right, Janice? You'll be fine.
- What're you doing? Come on, Janice. You're being weird. - You just need a sense of accomplishment, Janice.
Yeah, or yoga.
- No, she just needs a new attitude, because she always so negative. - You know, there's a chapter in my book on positive thinking...
Every time I read it, it just, it puts me in a really good place.
See? That's what she needs. That's what you need. You need to read his book.
No I don't, Jill. I don't need his goddamn book.
- I don't need a goddamn thing. - Whoa. - Okay.
Just stop it, okay? Just stop.
Stop with the books and, and the stupid dates and the stupid advice because I don't want it.
- I don't want any of it. - Fine. What do you want then?
- What! - No, no, I'm just trying to help. - You, you're not helping, Jill. You're not helping me.
Can't you see that? You're hurting me. Can't you see that you're hurting me?
- God, I just feel like... you should really read the book. - Doug, stop trying so hard.
- Janice... - He goes and on.
Okay, alright everyone... Let's just calm down, please. Uh, Doug let's give the ladies a minute here.
- Why do you always have to be so weird? - Stop talking to me like that, Jill.
Please, I'm supposed to be the big sister. I'm supposed to be your big sister.
- Yeah. - Yeah but, you just always, I mean you're always talking down to me.
- No, I'm not. - Yes you are, Jill. Always. Always talking down to me. Telling me what I need,
Telling me what I'm doing wrong, all the time.
I mean, I don't want what you want, Jill.
- I don't want what you want. - Okay, fine. What do you want, Janice?
- What? - I don't know. I don't know!
Do I have to know? I mean is the fate of the universe like... Why do I have to know?
You know? Why do I have to be something? Can't I just be myself? And isn't that just enough?
- I'm sorry, can you keep it down a little bit? - Sorry. - Thanks.
Ugh. Janice.
I'm just, I'm just worried about you. That's all.
I just feel like you're struggling, and, and I want to help.
Okay, well, if you really want to help, then just be my little sister. Okay? Can you do that? Can you just be my little sister?
- Yeah. - Thank you.
- Because the truth is, right now I could really use a sister. - Okay.
I think I'm...
What? Come on, Janice. You can tell me.
I think I'm in love with him.
- Who? - Tim.
- Oh. - Yeah. - Wow. - And I'm confused because, I don't understand... I mean, he was supposed to be here.
Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry, Janice.
- C'mon, let's go home. - I don't want to go home.
- No? - No, I'm really embarrassed.
- I don't really want to see those guys. - Okay.
I kinda just wanna be by myself for a little while.
- You sure? - Yeah.
Alright, I'll get the boys.
Hey, remember me?
So you, you just stand out here all night?
Oh. Um. I don't have any extra change, I would give it to you, but...
Can I ask you something?
When I saw you on television, you said something about people feeling lost?
Is that how you feel? Because sometimes...
Sometimes I just feel invisible.
And I heard someone say something recently, that it just takes one person... You know?
Just one person to make you feel like you belong, to make you feel special.
And I think that that's true.
I know that that's true because, because I felt it.
The other night I was out with this guy that I work with and...
... work at the zoo and...
And anyway, it was only for one night...
But it, just felt different, you know?
And now it's complicated.
Tim?
A pretty good RomCom, I must say.
- Hey, guys. This is Tim. - Nice to finally meet you.
I think we can move it here, a little to the left to give them more room to eat.
- And maybe bring up some enrichment here. -I can see that. Right over there.
Alright, Janice. Thank you.
- Now this whole thing. Everything we're gonna do here, it's, we're gonna open up the whole space. - Yeah.
- And we're gonna have this extra little habitat area, right over there. - Yeah.
Jill, you guys should come downtown and meet us. No, we're gonna see a play later.
Actually, I'm looking for Tim right now. There he is. Let me know.
Flag on the play!
Now, if you think about it. A conversation is a little bit like a football game, isn't it?
You got one, two, three, four quarters.
If you are really lucky, what do you get?
What do you get if we're really lucky?
You get overtime. Right?
In order get to overtime, you can't blow off all your fun stuff, all your trick plays in the first quarter, can you?
You gotta wait for half-time, or, as I like to call it, end of dinner.
Just as stuff gets a little stale, a little boring. Bang! You pull out your best joke.
Or even better, a little story. Doesn't matter if it's not true. Make it up. Lie. Doesn't matter.
The entire point is you gotta get to overtime, because that's where all the fun's gonna happens.
This guy knows what I'm talking about, right? "Touchdown!"